Insomnia
by Lion.Lovin.Lamb
Summary: Edward never returned in New Moon.Bellas celebrating her 21st birthday, but just as she thinks she may have gotten over him, she begins to here his voice, at the most strangest of times. Is she just imagining or is he really back? Gone up 2 T for chapter
1. Chapter 1 Insomnia

**Okay so this is my first twilight fanfic, so I wanna know what you all think so please if you can R & R. This is basically a random idea, that came to me on one of my usual insomnia moments. You'll either love it or hate, that pretty much all you can say about my writing. I haven't written in a while, so It may not be up to my usual scratch. It's a bit too slushy & depressing at points too. But hey I'm very critical towards myself, so I'd like to know what everyone else thinks. I love twilight….Edward & Bella 3**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately, do not own anything (apart from very much read copies of 4 very special books) it all belong to SMeyer who is a pure genuis fro inventing this world. **

Today was my birthday. And not just any birthday. No, today was my 21st birthday. Apparently, to most this was a day for celebration. For me it's more like a day of depression. Although for me, practically every day was full of depression, birthdays were always even worse. For birthdays reminded of that day, that particular day, my eighteenth birthday, the day that changed it all, the day that ruined my life - forever.

I woke up, way to early as per usual, darkness still hung in the sky, the only light visible came from the street lights several blocks away, silence hung in the air, the only noise was the distant traffic & the faint humming of the birds in the nearby forest. I looked over at my clock it read 4:00 am great, just great.

There was no way, I could get back to sleep, not with the reminder of the burden that was today. Insomnia wasn't unusual for me these days, this was natural for a college student I suppose, but my lack of sleep wasn't caused by last minute studying or from frequent visits to wild parties. No it was much worse it was caused by loneliness. Even in the days that I got a good night sleep, I resented it, for I have now learned that your dreams are not real, not even if you wish so badly for them to be. And naturally I dreamed of him…of Edward.

I lay there, for a moment, not really thinking, just listening to world going on around me & waiting for my eyes to slowing adjust to the night sky.

I don't know how long I lay there for, it could have been seconds, could have been minutes, could have even been hours, but just lying there, just lying there silent in the room, I felt for the 1st time in years whole, that same girl I had been, as if I was not alone, as if someone else's presence was in the room.

And then I heard it, as clear as anything I had heard before, clearer than any of my foggy human memories, though the words were merely a whisper.

"Happy Birthday, Love!"

I swung up, as quickly as my body deemed possible. Surely I couldn't have imagined that, not that musical angelic voice that I had not heard for nearly 3 years. I looked around the room, wishing that my human eyes would let me see more in this dull darkness.

Yet, I saw nothing, nothing at all, just my vacant dorm room, with its monotonous cream walls & carpet & lacklustre furniture.

I figured that must have been my imagination, after all this wouldn't be the first time I had imagined his beautiful voice. But this time, this time it was different and I don't know how it just seemed all so real.

I lay back down, for no particular reason apart from to clear my head. Today, of all days, part of me had wondered if I could actually enjoy this birthday, but of course that was impossible now, not now, not now that I had been reminded of it all….of them…of him.

I closed my eyes, wishing that the world would just swallow me whole and end all of this misery.

I found myself, starting to daydream, picturing an event that seemed to happen oh so long ago, it was us just us in our meadow, together, that 1st day, the happiest day of my life so far, more than likely the happiest day I would ever experience in this short life of mine. And even though my memory was gradually starting to fade, I could remember that day, as if it was yesterday. I was pretty sure this was day I could never forget.

This image should have filled me with feelings of melancholy, maybe even hatred, but it somehow made me feel not happy no that was an emotion that I was lost to now but somehow serene, like nothing else mattered.

"_You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever" _He had said, and oh I wish how that would have been true, if it was then he would never have left, he would be with me now, I would more than likely be like him now.

My memories drifted to later on in that day, that night, that night that he had stayed with me.

" _Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning"_ I had asked. _" You are mythical after all" _And then he had replied _"I won't leave you."_

One single tear trickled down my face, as I reminisced his words he said he wouldn't leave but he did, what's worse is that he was never coming back - ever.

My mind let the memory continue, hearing his voice, if only in my mind, it upset me of course it did but it also comforted me.

I was suddenly reminded of that familiar lullaby, a song too exquisite & beautiful, to be dedicated to me, but it was or rather it had been.

I hummed along, the tune though I hadn't heard in such a long time, I knew so well, it seemed natural to me.

As I started to drift away, into dreamless slumber, I heard a sound much too harmonious to be my atrocious drone, humming also to my lullaby.

Part of me, wanted to snap open my eyes, but sleep was already taking a hold of me & I would simply be fighting a losing battle.

And then, as just as I took that final step from consciousness to my dreams for the 2nd time that morning I heard that angelic voice.

"I will always Love you, Bella."

I found the will, somehow to fight for those remaining seconds against the dreams that awaited to speak, whether this was my imagination or not I did not care, I had to say it.

"I will always love you, Edward."

And then on that last second, as my fatigue had surely won its battle, I heard something way to pure & real to be anything produced by my thoughts - his laugh.

**Okay, so what did you think people. You made it this far, so it obviously cant be that bad. I need all your help actually, I'm stuck between several ideas for this fanfic, I either want to make this into a series of drabbles when Bella either hears/sees/reminisces Edward through out her life, or I could go on with the rest of the birthday story & what happens throughout this day or I could always just leave it as it is. What do you think??? Please Review, they make me so so so happy. **


	2. Chapter 2 Omens

**Okay, so 2nd chapter up people. For those of you who'd like to know, I did decide in the end to carry on the story of her birthday. Not the best chapter in the fic, I can promise you three & four are going to be much better, full of so much more suspense. I'd also like to say thank you for everyone, who wrote a review, added my story on story alert, added my story as a favourite & also added little old me as a favourite too. I really appreciate it. Hope you like this next chapter. Please if you can R & R.**

…"_Is that what you dream about? Becoming a monster" _

"_Not exactly." I said, frowning at his word choice. Monster, indeed. "Mostly I dream about being with you forever."_

_His expression changed, softened and saddened by the subtle ache in my voice._

"_Bella." His fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips. " I _will _stay with you - isn't that enough."_

_I smiled under his fingertips. "Enough for now."…_

The droning signal of my alarm clock, woke me suddenly . I yawned & stretched in my bed, wishing I could return to my land of slumber & pass by this dreadful date, that of course was not possible, I had class & my friends & responsibility. I couldn't let one little date ruin my civility.

The sun, now shined through the cracks in the blinds of my bedroom window & the restful sounds of birds had been replaced by the everyday traffic of college students, day light was surely here.

I finally climbed out of my bed, still too tired too dazed to pay full attention to anything. Then it abruptly dawned on , the memory of what could have only been a few hours ago, all came rushing back.

Had it been real? Had I really heard his voice?

Of course, I already knew the answer to that, it had been imagination, just like all the other times. He wasn't coming back, I knew that, he had promised me that, I _had _believed that, but so much of a part of me, wished it could be true.

The pressure of my birthday was getting to me, I thought , yes that was it. This unhappy occasion was resurfacing all the sorrow that I had felt & possibly causing hallucinations.

As I thought, of him, his voice, I found my mind resurfacing yet another memory, albeit a more depressing time.

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

I didn't want his words to be true, I didn't want for that to be the last time he saw me, I didn't want to live my life without ever seeing him again & I especially didn't want to pretend that he had never existed.

"_Don't worry." _He had said. _You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."_

He had been wrong though, how weird it was to admit that Edward Cullen, had been wrong , but he had been, time had not healed my wombs in fact if anything they had only made worse.

I hadn't even noticed I was crying until then, when I felt that the top of my nightdress had been dampened from the falling tears.

I hastily wiped my face. This was stupid, I thought, this was in the past, he was the past & though it pained me to think it, somehow, someway I had to get over him.

Trying to forget, the already damaged beginning to my birthday, I turned on the rarely used radio, that one of my house mates Rayen, had bought me some Christmases a go. It blared out something that sounded like angry shouting with a 100 mile-an-hour beat pace, not my taste, but it distracted me.

I rapidly got ready, throwing an old sweater and jeans, not bothering with makeup or fixing my hair into some fancy do, not like I ever did anyway.

I looked at my clock - 8:30, still another 45 minutes until my first class, joy. I was fine when I was doing something, I became distracted, it was when I was bored & alone, that things became bad, that was when my mind began to wander and wander always to that same person it did.

I decided to check my texts on my cell phone, that Charlie had bought me when I had first started college to keep in touch, despite the fact that I only lived about an 1 hour or so away from him & I came home practically every weekend.

The result of a practically non-existent social life, I had only two.

The first was from Charlie:

Hey Bells, Happy Birthday. I've got you a present, you can get it when you come down at the weekend if you want. That is if you are coming down. How are you doing? Have you spoken to your Mom recently. I hope you've been treating to your self to a little time off from studying. I worry about you Bells. Say hello to the girls from me. Love Dad XxX

Typically Charlie, he was always so overprotective of me these days. He seemed happy that I had formed an almost friendship with my two housemates Rayen & Cat. He of course presumed it was something more. He knew that I spent most of my time stuck here in my room, studying or watching mind-numbingly boring tv shows to pass the time, though he had always hoped that I would break from my infinite routine & live life like a normal college kid - yeah if only.

The second was from Jacob:

Hey Babe, Happy Bday! Wat up? Wen u nxt comin down 2 La Push? The guys r dieing 2 see u. Mayb we'll cum kidnap you. Miss u. Love Jake x

Oh, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. Jacob was a different story all together. He was my best friend, my comforter, maybe even something more than that. He had been there when I had been desperately lonely. He was probably one of the few people these days, who could actually make me smile. And any other day, what I wouldn't have given for him to rescue me from this never-ending routine that was my life, to see him, his father, the rest of Queleute boys, to have fun, but somewhere deep in side me I knew, I knew today that wouldn't be enough.

I replied to both of them, in my usual slow typing method, reassuring Charlie not to worry, that I was fine, which was far from the truth & informing Jacob that I had an important exam soon, so kidnapping would not do me much of a favour, again another lie. It was surprising, how easy lying was when you weren't talking to someone face to face. It gave me comfort because I'm sure they'd both actually believe me.

The radio, had now stopped playing the loud hip-hop tune & was now replaced by the radio presenter introducing a new soft romantic melody. I had never heard the song before in my life but the beautiful soulful song, suddenly made me feel very sad, I was now reminded of exactly why I didn't listen to music.

I decided, for my own sanity, to turn the god-damn thing off, but instead of, when picking the small radio up, pressing the off button, I threw it with a lunge so that it shattered hard against the wall, breaking into big chunks on my floor - the music had stopped. I was satisfied.

I grabbed my bag and ran out the room. I wasn't going to grab breakfast with my housemates or take my usual slow paced walk to school, no I decided I was going to get to campus as soon, as possible, I didn't' care if I was one of the first there I had to be out of that room.

Unfortunately, I lived on a 4 story building, and as I preferred not to take the slow claustrophobic lift, I would have to take the stairs. I ran down as fast as I could, almost tripping several times on the steps.

I got to the very last staircase, when my uncoordinated body, gave in, I slipped on one of the top steps, landing straight on my back side, books & papers flying out of my bag. Great, I thought, just great.

Then just as I was collecting my scattered report remains, I could have sworn I had heard that beautiful noise again, his laugh and though I was surely convinced that this was my imagination, I listened, stopped in my tracks, amazed in a sort of illusion.

Was it really him?

**So, what'd you think? Please give me you feed back. I ravish in all your reviews. Started writing my third chapter now too & have ideas for the fourth, so they should be up pretty soon. TTFN .Lamb**


	3. Chapter 3 Daydream Disasters

**Okay, so here we are, third chapter up and ready. This is my longest chapter so far, so be prepared. A much more interesting chapter than my 2nd I can assure you of that. I really hope you like it. Please, please, please R & R, if you can. I will always try & reply to my reviews, if I can. I'd also like to thank all of those who have sent me review, or have added me as a favourite author/story so far. I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy reading these chapters as much as I enjoy writing them.**

**(If anyone is interested, my friend asked me after reading my second chapter what songs were played. The first, hip hop one was Ninja Rap By Vanilla Ice. I'm sorry if this is an offence to any hip-hop/Ninja Mutant Turtles/ Vanilla Ice fans when I called it_ angry shouting with a 100 mile-an-hour beat pace, _****I just needed a song. The 2nd song was Nothing Compares to You By Sinead O'Connor. Yes, I know it's a well known song, but I decided that Bella didn't listen to the radio much, so she didn't know it.)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing, at all. I don't even own the computer I'm typing on, it's my Nans. Smeyer owns the rights to the books & characters apart from Rayen who is a creation by moi.**

I shook the image of the beautiful bronze haired boy, out of my head. Today, had not had the greatest of starts but it didn't mean it had to end that way. I collected my the last of my scattered remains & ran swiftly out of the deserted apartment blocks door.

It was then that I suddenly remembered the day of this unfortunate date, not only was it the 13th September a day that I dreaded above the rest, but it was _Friday _13th September. An omen, I decided, today was destined to be a miserable failure.

Part of me wanted to run straight back into bed, bury myself in the covers, hide myself from the rest of the world. But the sanity inside, pushed me to move on, to not bow down to my terrible fate, to try not to be what I really was inside - a coward.

My car a tiny red Renault Clio, waited for me in the driveway, but somehow it was unwelcoming, like it really didn't belong to me. It seemed _too _small, seemed _too _red & even though it must have at least been a good eight maybe more years old, it seemed _too _new. For reasons I couldn't explain, I found myself missing my big noisy old truck. The past was slowing creeping up, on me.

I shuddered at the very thought. I looked at my watch, just a few minutes past nine, if I walked at a reasonable pace, then I could easily make it to class on time.

So I set off, heading towards the college campus, I'd been so familiar with these past two years. Though it was only a short 10 minutes or so walk, today it seemed a lot longer. I tried to distract myself, counting my footsteps as I walked & every now & then looking at my cell phone, hoping that someone would call or at least text me. Nevertheless, the daydreams came, & suddenly my thoughts, were filled with the events of this morning, of events of the distant past, anything & everything that included…him.

My mind couldn't quite contemplate it all. I just couldn't figure it out, had I really heard his voice or was it my imagination playing tricks on me. It was all so confusing. With all this perplexity, I found myself praying, begging silently to myself, for someone to give me some sort of sign, anything. Nothing of course happened. I chuckled at my idiocy. Only Edward could bring out the religious side in me.

Somehow, my pensiveness, had made the trip end much quicker than I had expected. And much to my surprise I was inside my classroom door with minutes to spare.

I took my usually seat next to one of my housemates & I suppose the closest person, I had to a real friend (apart from Jake) Rayen Redford. Sitting next to Rayen at first had made me feel rather uncomfortable, not to mention plain & boring. She too was a Queleute, distinctive by her mahogany coloured skin & long thick raven hair, that flowed down her back. She was of course very pretty, yet in an unusual way. The only person I could ever quite compare her too, quite stupid & unoriginal of me, was Pocahontas from the Disney film. She was very much the opposite of me, she was popular, outgoing, athletic - a cheerleader and just like her doppelganger Pocahontas she could be very eccentric, wild - at times too wild and not to mention mischievous. Rayen often didn't return from nights out & it was a well known fact that she had dappled in things not exactly legal. Though to me, she had always been kind, supportive, even a little overprotective, like an older sister more than a friend. And the wrong sort of friend, though she maybe, she was still a good friend & for me these days friends were very few & far between.

She gave me one of her big friendly embraces, holding me tight around the waste & kissing both my cheeks, that was at first quite unsettlingly but had become too much of a common & frequent to be anything but slightly awkward now. She gave off a mixed aroma, of expensive perfume & cigarettes, that made my eyes water, so distinctive to her.

"Wassup Babes?" she said finally letting me go of her iron grip & grinning like a Cheshire cat, showing her bizarrely small white teeth. "Didn't see ya this morning."

Rayen or anyone else on campus for that matter, had no idea that today, was in fact my birthday & that was the way I intended to keep it. The last thing I needed was attention.

This morning, what was I going to tell her about, this morning. Although, I did sort of see Rayen as a best girlfriend figure, I couldn't confide in her about this morning, I confide I in anyone, at least anyone human. Most would think more than likely that I was crazy and even Jacob, my closest friend would probably get angry at me for not letting go of the past (especially as the Cullens were his mortal enemies). The only person, who I thought I could divulge any of these secrets too, was a 4"10, psychic, vampire, who I hadn't seen for the past 3 years, who I would probably never see again.

"Yeah, I didn't feel too good, took a walk, got some fresh air, you know."

She nodded slowly, not sure whether to believe me or not. I was never a good liar, but technically I wasn't exactly lying, I did go for a walk but that wasn't the full story, she didn't need to know the full story. She must have finally excepted that I was telling the truth, because she delved into a story of how she'd met some Australian guy called Daamon or something at a bar last night. I vaguely listened to the tale, laughing when Rayen laughed at a particular bit & cringing when she got into too much detail, but my mind was still on other things.

I was glad finally when Dr Clayton, our ancient Irish strict social science professor, walked through the classroom door, ordering the class to silence. I tried my best at first to be intrigued by the lesson, taking notes & even answering a few questions, but when Dr Clayton started a lecture on the effect of alcoholism, my mind began to wonder yet again.

I was dazed, barely keeping up with what Dr Clayton, was saying, starting to flick precariously with the pages of my textbook out of boredom, I flicked too hard at one push of the book and it created a miniscule cut at the side of my index finger. It reminded me of another paper-cut I had received.

…_I took the little package, rolling my eyes at Edward, while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape._

"_Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger; I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut. _

_It all happened very quickly then._

"_No!" Edward roared._

_He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell as I did, scattering the cake & the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattering crystal._

_Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like a clash of boulders in a rock slide…_

If only, I had been more careful, if only I hadn't cut my stupid finger, I thought to myself. Edward had said before he had left that, that occasion had made his decision, that had made him decide that _we_ were unsafe for each other, that made him notice that he couldn't love me.

My mind, was starting to take over again, as I contemplated on how things could have been.

I imagined, myself, sitting listening to another lecture, not giving as full attention as I could, but this time this time it was different. I wasn't sitting in a mediocre classroom 1960s classroom, with an average intellect shabby old manas a professor, like I had become used to here at Peninsula College, sharing a desk with Rayen. No, I was sat in a conservative yet luxurious building, the kind you only found at extremely high ranked universities like Princeton, Harvard or Oxford, the man giving the lecture looked like he could have been royalty, with his tailored suit & his clean appearance and replaying Rayen was a striking young man, like silk like bronze hair & perfect angular features, as usual looking like some pagan god of beauty, his hand in mine.

Too intrigued to where my daydreams had taken me, I had barely notice how I had imagined myself. But now I saw her quite clearly, she beautiful, just like the boy next to her, my skin now even paler, my hair now a luxurious brunette spiralled to my waste and my eyes were do longer a dull coloured brown but a beautiful gold. It was hard to imagine this goddess like creature was me, plain old Bella.

The image changed. I was standing in the Cullen's old house just outside Forks, but all the furniture had been replaced by elegant looking chairs that held a small audience & beautiful decorations hung from the walls & ceiling. Standing at the bottom of a separation, of the chairs was Edward, in a smart black suit, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & some unknown man in robes by his side. I looked down at what I was wearing, an elegant long white gown that belonged on a fairy tale princess & next to me stood Alice also in satin purple dress holding a small bouquet of Lilies & holding my arm was Charlie, reading to walk me down the aisle. Was this really my wedding? As a seventeen year old, I had never even entertained the thought, marriage at that age just never happened but now I was a women, twenty-one, I actually found myself wanting one, wanting one, more than anything else. I started to walk, no not walk, it was too graceful to be a walk, it was more like a glide towards my Edward.

"Bella," he called. "Bella, Bella….

I suddenly awoken, from my fantasy, it wasn't Edward calling my name but Dr Clayton.

"Yes Dr Cullen…"

I didn't mean to say it. Not that surname, of all the surnames I could've said it just had to be that one. Dr Clayton was looking at me with a confused expression on his face, some of my classmates were laughing, some whispering rapidly to each other, but the faces I couldn't ignore were those of my Queleute classmates, angry & some even scared by my mishap. Rayen's was the worst of all, maybe it was because she was so close, but her normally attractive face, was full of rage, her arched eyebrows almost knitted together, her eyes barely a squint and her lips tightened into an almost snarl-like expression.

Rayen, being a queleute knew exactly what the superstitions (which were in fact truthful) of the Cullen's were, whether she believed them or not I had never known, she had never seemed the type to be superstitious nor had she ever mentioned much about her tribe, but it was now quite evident what she thought.

She even knew about me & Edward to some extent, thanks to when Jacob had decided to take a surprise visit to the campus in my freshman year. Having known Jacob from the reservation, curious like most girls were of their roommates, she had quizzed Jacob, while I had went to the bathroom on one occasion, on my past, my school, my family, my friends and of course my love life. Jacob, hating Edward with every burning passion, didn't oblige to tell her, but his version of the story just made Edward even more like the monster she had suspected, the monster that he had never been & never would be. The conversation didn't last long, as I suddenly had enough of eavesdropping on nothing more than a falsity of the Edward I had knew and I went into the room, acting as calm as I could and started a conversation about of all things - shampoo. To my knowledge the discussion never occurred again.

Dr Clayton, finally spoke again, breaking the awkward feeling that now channelled between me & Rayen.

"Nice to know you're back with us Miss Swan." He said showing off an malevolent smirk. He walked back to the front of the class. "Now where were we?"

He began the lecture again,. This time I paid full attention, taking more notes than really necessary. The uncomfortable vibe, that was generated off Rayen, never calmed though and for some reason in a way that scared me. At one point she was texting impatiently under the table, sighing obviously at when she made mistakes. Her breathing was slow and angry, until a buzzing came from her pocket, a reply from the receiver of her previous message, more than likely, probably that Daamon man she had talked about.

I was glad when the class was over. My next class was English, a class I thankfully didn't share with Rayen.

But then just as I had collected all my stuff together and was turning to head out of the door, she grabbed my wrist. Her wicked snarl, had been replaced by her usual beam.

"I thought you'd wanna skip the rest of your classes today." She said, her grip still tight around my wrist. "Maybe go get a couple of bevvies, seems as its ya big day an all."

I had no way of telling, but face was evidently horror struck. How did she know it was my birthday. I had never told her, I'd never told anyone. Then when I'd though about it, it could have been anyone, Jacob more than likely, Charlie even, maybe even my Mom.

I couldn't say no, it would be impolite. I didn't want to end my friendship with Rayen and even though I hadn't in reality done anything wrong, it would still be rude not to accept her invitation, which in the normal way of Rayen was her form of apology.

"Okay, I guess, but no bars okay, just a nice restaurant or coffee shop would be even better. And don't make a fuss, just because its my birthday."

Her smile seemed to reached for her ears she seemed so happy.

" Cross my heart and hope to die." she repeated the popular saying.

She pulled me along taking hold of my hand, almost running. I was worried people would be staring, wondering what the whole commotion was about. Rayen, on the other hand, was skipping with joy, not a care in the world.

She eventually stopped at a bus station, just outside campus. This confused me, why were we waiting here, was she thinking of dragging me up to Seattle or Olympia or somewhere, for a wild night out partying.

"We're waiting for someone." Answering my question.

My curiosity got the better of me. Who exactly were we waiting for? I hoped it wasn't any of her friends from the cheerleading squad, none of them were particularly fond of me, in fact none of them were particularly fond of each other either. Nor did I hope it was any of the guys, she went clubbing with, I was fine when it came to vampires and werewolves, but when it came to clubs and drinking I was petrified.

"Who?"

She gave a twisted simper, as if she knew something that I didn't.

"Jacob."

The feeling of almost having a nice normal day vanished. Jacob, was not the person I needed at this moment in time, it would just remind me of the love I was never capable to give to him, because it was already set with someone else. That someone who, had entered my mind on so many occasions this morning and had made me feel almost like the person I had once been.

If my face was horror struck before, it must have been morbid now, as Jacob pulled up in his Volkswagen Rabbit, reading to wish me a Happy Birthday, that would never exist.

**Okay, so that's it. What did you think? Fourth Chapter should be up as soon as possible. Please like I said before, If you can, can you please leave a review , so I can know you feed back.**

**If anyone's interested (though I seriously doubt you are) I actually did my research for this chapter. Shock, horror, I know. **

**Bella attends Peninsula College, a college that does actually exist in Port Angeles. (If anyone is really interested she's doing a degree in business, as she still doesn't know where to go with her life and thinks that this particular degree could give her quite a few career possibilities) Whether there's a Dr Clayton, for a social science teacher I have no idea, if there is, I mean no offence, its just a coincidence as I just made him up.**

**Rayen is actually a native American name, it means flower in Native American Mapuche. Again if there is a Rayen Redford, who happens to come from La Push, then again I can promise you it's just a coincidence.**

**If you are interested enough, I have the links to pictures like Bella & Alice's dress & Edwards suit in Bellas daydream on my profile at the very bottom (be aware its a very long page.).**

**So, there you go just a little background on the chapter. Any queries just send a review or pm me. I'll get back to you, as soon as I possibly can. **

**TTFN .Lamb XxX**


	4. Chapter 4 Monsters & Memories

**Okay, so fourth chapter up & ready people. This is by far my favourite chapter & after you've read it I'm sure you'll see why. Thank you again for everyone who's been faithful & keeps reading this story. A special thank you who have added me as a fav story/author or put me on story/author alert. And an extra special thanks to those who review. So enjoy and again if you can R&R.**

**Disclaimer: I don't anything to do with the twilight characters or books its al Smeyers. Even Edward sob sob.**

"Told you I'd come kidnap you." Jacob barked in his usual gleeful tone. His smile even bigger than Rayens at this moment.

He pulled his long scorching hot muscular arms, around my tiny frame, picking me up In a bear-like tight grip, so that my feet were a good few inches off the floor.

It was the first time in years that I had really noticed the real intense heat of his body. It had never actually bothered me before, in fact in previous times, the warmth had soothed me from my worries, especially in those cold winter months. Though today, the heat seemed somehow unbearable, all I wanted was for him to let go of me. Even though the atmosphere around us couldn't have been more than 10°C or so, combined with Jacobs high temperature, I felt as if I need something cold, something ice cold, below even the point of freezing. I shuddered, as I remembered just what or who rather, had such a temperature.

He put me back down on the floor, loosening his grip on me, yet still didn't let go, much to my displeasure. He gazed at me with his dark blazing tawny eyes, beaming with a delight that I could not quite fathom. Any other day, this would have made me feel almost weak at the knees, today it just made me feel guilty.

I heard Rayen cooing at us in the background. We both turned to look at her, Jacob smiling with just as much pleasure as she, me feeling ultimately awkward as the odd one out, in this little excited group. She looked, like a small child at a fairground, she could barely keep still with excitement, her eyes wide, dimples showing from her wide grin and was it just me or was she actually jumping. It all took me by surprise, I didn't even know she liked Jacob that much, never mind be crazily excited over his arrival.

Jacob, finally let go of my shoulders, though took my hand instead. Even though, this action wasn't nearly as intimate, it still felt just as awkward, even though we had been in this embrace countless times before.

"So." he said in his smooth calm voice. "I thought we could first go grab something to eat. The Bella (He smirked as he said my name) Italia's meant to be good or I quite fancy a steak so maybe the Bushwhacker."

Food was the last thing on my mind at the moment. Though it could prove as a good distraction. The Bushwhacker, is a well known restaurant here in Port Angeles & everybody knew, that if you wanted a good steak, that was where to go. The Bella Italia, though I was sure I had never been there before, I could have sworn I knew that name from somewhere, it seemed so familiar, yet my foggy memory could not quite figure out, how It was.

"I don't mind." I barely murmured, still shocked by his sudden appearance.

"Well then," Rayen interrupted. "Lets just try them both out. Jake do you mind, if we use your car? Mines on the mend again & Bella's left hers a home."

She gave him an obvious wink. I was pretty sure now, they both knew something that I didn't.

His grinned increased even more, with her obvious remark & produced too much of an over-enthusiastic nod for a reply.

The journey, on the way to the restaurants was a quiet one, on my behalf. Jacob, made small conversation talking about how Quil had bought Claire a paint set for her birthday much to her parents annoyance and how Jared & Kim were busy with wedding arrangements. Rayen laughed zealously, even at non-comedic points. This made me feel yet again uncomfortable, as I could only manage a lethargic giggle.

Jacob could tell that my mood was else where & took his right hand from the gear stick & rested it on my leg as a sign of comfort - it didn't help, it just made matters worse.

We spent a good time, trying to find a parking space. Even when it wasn't peak season, the front boulevard of Port Angeles was still packed with avid tourists. We eventually found one, though it was a tight squeeze, behind a very expensive looking 4 by 4.

It was a little walk, up to the restaurant called La Bella Italia. Jacob still kept his hand in my, though now he was as pretty much as silent as me, in fact he seemed a little nervous, of all words, his breathing was hard and slow, he seemed fidgety as he walked and his grip was becoming so tight around my fingers, that they were starting to feel a little numb. Rayen spoke enough for all three us anyway, she jabbered on, about all the reviews the little Italian had received and something about her Caesar salad being just the way her ex had made it.

We were only metres away from the restaurant, when I finally looked up to see the restaurant that Rayen had appraised so much. I immediately felt sick. I then knew exactly where I'd heard the name of the restaurant before. All the memories started flooding back to me. That was the night, the night he had confirmed to me what he was, the night he had saved me, the night I would never forget, the night I knew I had fallen in love with him.

My feelings must been have shown on my face, as Rayen & Jacob abruptly became genuinely concerned.

"Are you okay babes ?" Rayen queried. Her eyes deep with apprehension and worry. Jacob squeezed my hand and gave me a sympathetic smile. "Something wrong with the restaurant."

"No, no not at all," I lied, not convincingly as much as I would have hoped, as my voice broke half way through. "I..I…I just don't really fancy Italian that's all."

Though you could see that neither of them believed me, they didn't question me and we all set up for the steak house down the street.

As we walked there, it gave me time to think over what had just happened. I had been trying my hardest to the best part of nearly 3 years to forget, everything and anything about Edward Cullen and now suddenly today, everywhere I looked I was constantly reminded of him. This was just a sign of how much bad luck I actually did possess.

When we got inside the restaurant and to our table, my mood faded ever so slightly, if only to convince Rayen and Jacob.

The afternoon dragged on. Rayen predominantly spoke, speaking about such everyday things as our classes, teachers, parties, old boyfriends, celebrities, fashion and the latest gossip and scandal at Peninsula College. The conversation, was ultimately boring, yet after a while I found myself contributing, it sidetracked me and I actually found myself almost enjoying it.

After a round of steaks for me & Jake with Rayen having a salad as she was a vegetarian & a whole dish of triple berry cobbler to share between the three of us (although Jake had the majority of it), I could safely say that we were all pretty much stuffed.

We all just sat there talking just about things general, ordering more drinks occasionally, I barely noticed the hours go by. When I eventually looked at my watch it was just after 5 o'clock, we had been in there nearly six hours.

I noticed through out the whole occasion, that Jacob barely talked & he seemed again in that vague, nervous mood & when I question him what was wrong, he would simply start a different subject. It was all a little strange for Jake, who since I knew about his secret would tell me anything, without even questioning it, he trusted me.

After a while, Rayen seemed to get a little impatient, with Jacobs mood & even though I think she didn't know I had noticed kept kicking him under the table. It was all very odd.

Eventually she became so impetuous that jumped up from out of her seat, elbowing Jacob as she did so.

"Right," she said directly to Jacob more than me. "I'm going to the ladies, I'll be back in a while. (I got up to accompany her, as was usually the rule for us, but she shoved me back down with an unintended force) No, Bella you stay."

She winked at Jacob, for the second time that day, flashing yet another one of her huge all teeth smiles.

He stared after her for a while & then hesitated and turned to me.

"You know Bella, I do love you."

It wasn't the first time he had said this to me, but he had never said this to me in the tone he did now. Before he it had always been in a brotherly, light-hearted, almost joke like sort of way, now he was determined, thoughtful, grown-up & he said it like he meant it.

"As I love you." I replied in a more frivolous fashion. I suddenly regretted it, as he now seemed disappointed by my reaction.

"Bella, you are the only girl I have loved. The only girl I will ever love. The only girl who I want to love for the rest of my life."

I wasn't sure where the conversation was going. I had never seen this side of Jacob before, it had shocked me & I didn't know how to react to it. I wanted to say the very same to him, to make him happy, but I knew somewhere deep inside of me, I couldn't.

His lips met mine for a brief moment, again the warmth of them, felt awkward against me.

This wouldn't have been the first time he had kissed me, but somehow this had been different to the others and I couldn't quite figure out how.

"Jake…"I said confused on how to take all this in. Part of me wanted to be angry, but just looking at his innocent face, I just couldn't. "What…What…What are you doing?"

He got out from his chair at the table and walked to face right in front of me, then bent down on to his right knee. Suddenly it all made sense. My head started to rush, at the abruptness of it all.

"Isabella Swan." he said his face returning to that familiar ecstatic smile. "Will you marry me?"

The sickness that I had now felt earlier, had now amplified to a feeling that was easily a 100 times worse. My head was spinning, I was sweating from all the pressure & I was having trouble controlling my breathing at a normal pace. It was hard to fathom the right words.

"_Jacob, I __do _love you," His face lit up with my words. "But I can't marry you, I just can't , not now Jacob, in fact I don't think I ever could."

The way he looked at me, I felt like me I felt like some sort of criminal. I had never seen Jacob cry but now he seemed to be on the very verge of tears. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know how. I had just broken this poor boys heart.

He didn't speak for several moments & when he did it was a one word question.

"Why?"

My mind flicked to the memory I had experienced earlier. Me at a wedding, me as a bride but it wasn't Jacob as the groom.

"I..I don't know." I managed to say.

His eyes turned wide with anger.

"Why Bella?"

"I told you, I don't know why." I was crying now, by the anger in Jacobs voice, the tears flowing down my face like waterfalls.

"God damn it, why Bella, why." He was shouting now, the rage so evident in his voice.

He picked up his empty glass that had previously held Rayens diet coke and threw across the room so it hit the door to the kitchen. People were now staring, watching, it made the matter even worse.

He glared at me, the loving warmth in his eyes now gone, replaced by bitter hatred & anger.

"Its him, isn't it?" He bellowed, picking up another glass and throwing it to the floor.

I didn't answer, scared by what his next reaction would be. I knew exactly who he meant by _him_ and the reminder of it, just made my tears run faster. I looked at Jacob, shaking with rage, I knew that if he got much worse that he would change, change into the wolf & show the world his tribes secret. Yet I didn't know what to do, I was helpless.

"Answer me Bella. Answer me. The reason you won't marry me is because of that LEECH!"

I trembled at the word. A waiter was now fearfully staggering towards us, eyeing Jacob timidly, his obvious intention, to stop the commotion.

"Leave Edward out of this." I managed to say, although it came out as barely a whisper. Saying his name, had made the feeling of all this even worse & my tears were now starting to blind my eyes.

"He's not coming back Bella. He's not. He's forgotten you. He doesn't care about his precious Bella anymore. But stupid little Isabella Swan still _loves _him. Well let me tell you something Bella _he_ doesn't LOVE YOU!"

Jacob, heaved at the table cover, throwing it in the direction of the nervous waiter, smashing all the contents that it had held.

I had, had enough. Jacob, had taken it one step too far. I stood up, to face him, my tears now replaced by a reflection of the same hatred that burned in Jacobs eyes, only my hatred didn't burn for Edward.

I picked up the nearest thing to me - my chair - and lobbed it with as much strength as I contained towards him. Then stalked towards the door. I vaguely felt something on my shoulder - Rayens hand - but shook it off with great force.

"Bella," she wept. "He just loves you Bella."

I turned to face her. She too was crying. This obviously wasn't the way she had planned, not even close.

He sighed, suddenly feeling guilty for everything that had just happened.

"I know."

And I turned back to the door & walked out onto the busy street.

**So what did you think? Good…not good. I need to know people. Please again if you can leave a quick review. I'll try my best to get back to most if not all of them. Jacob might have been a little OOC in this chapter, I don't really know. He's never really been my most favourite character, so I never really paid much attention to what he acts like.**

**For those of you who are again interested I did my homework for this chapter as well. La Bella Italia, is the restaurant that Edward & Bella, go to in Twilight & it does actually exist. And the bushwhacker (the steak house) is also yet another restaurant in Port Angeles. I swear I've learnt so much writing this fanfic, I think I know more about PA than most people who live there do. No joke and I've never been, though I'll definitely have to though, definitely, it looks gorgeous. Oh and forks as well. I'll stop babbling on now. Chapter 5 should be up in the next day or so, I can guarantee. **


	5. Chapter 5 The Bar

**Okay so chapter 5 is up people. If you've noticed this fanfic has gone up to the rating of T. For this chapter & the next you'll definitely see why. This & chapter 6 were originally meant to be 1 whole chapter but it all became too long & I had too much to fit in to just a single chapter, so chapter 6 sort of carried on from this scene. Anyway hope you like. R & R if you can. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to Smeyer, who is unfortunately not me. **

I walked for what seemed like miles & miles, hours & hours. Pretty soon the boulevard disappeared behind my steps & I found myself stepping into dark, dim dangerous unfamiliar territory. I didn't care, I just kept walking, walking as far as my legs could take me. The tears still rushed down my face down my face as the hours went by, showing no sign to ever stop.

"_This is all my fault," _I kept telling myself "_All my fault." _I could've said yes, to Jacob, the most loyalist & loving friend I would ever have. I could've made him happ_y. _I could've learnt to love him, the way he had loved me. I could've have lead an almost content life. But it was too late now. Too late. This was all because I couldn't let go, let go of the past, want something that could never happen, want no love someone who didn't love me back. I was a shamble, a disgrace, an embarrassment to the human race. I didn't deserve life.

The rain, now splattered hard against my head, the wind howled around me with brute force & somewhere in the distance I could hear the great rumbles of thunder. The night sky had now taken over the city of Port Angeles, light only visible from the twinkling of street lights, the restaurants & homes in the distance & from the beautiful glittering full moon.

My body was now starting to give into the non-stop walking & the tedious weather, my legs shaking from the pressure of another step, my teeth chattering from the damp of my clothing. My eyes searched for the nearest place to rest, they landed on a little grotty bar with a neon sign that read Sms She, which I guess would have if the sign was working properly have been Sams Shed. I shuddered at the thought, it was a well known fact on campus that Sams had a bad reputation. Most kids avoided the place like a plague & those who didn't, well it was for obvious reasons why they went there & even they didn't hang around long. But the weather was now becoming unbearable & my body was exhausted from my extensive walk. _"I'm already going to hell." _I thought. _"Might as well do it properly."_

"_No Bella don't do this. Bella, please. Please Bella, don't do this."_

There came that beautiful voice in my head, just the same as this morning, melodious & exquisite as always. The only difference was that this time I was certain that the voice was a figment of my imagination. This had happened on several occasions before anytime, I had been close or had done something that was hazardous or imperil, I had been reminded of my Edward. Of his soft glorious voice. How over-protective he could be. It should have scared me, put me off doing stupid silly dangerous things. But I found myself wanting to find danger just to hear his voice.

"_I have to." _I replied to him, silently in my head. Though even I didn't know why I had to. It was dangerous, no doubt about, but even so it was a gamble, Edwards voice would surely fade after a while & then I would be left just as heart-broken & defeated as before.

I slowly walked into the shabby diminutive bar, my heart beating loudly in my throat, the only thing stopping it was Edwards pleading voice in my imagination. It was just how I'd expected, like the sort of bar you saw in gangster films, the walls were dirty with pealing green patterned wall paper, the tables all a rotting dark oak wood, the carpet was a blood red changing in places where previous drinks & who knows what else had been spilt and a fog of smoke enclosed the atmosphere, making my throat immediately tighten with the vigorous smell. But nothing about the scenery was worse than the people sitting inside it, though all different they all seemed somehow the same, a gang of teenagers not much older than freshmen in high school sat in the very corner their eyes dazed & eclectic, on the table in front of them lay tiny sections of white powder, a group of big muscular Emmett like men sat to their left, pint glasses cluttered their table, a scruffy looking man wearing an oversized mackintosh coat, with bulging pockets, I could only guess what was inside them, two women one possibly in her late 20s or 30s, the other looked barely out of childhood, both wearing thick makeup & as little clothes as possible & smoking what looked like cigarettes but I couldn't be certain and then there was the barman a middle aged man with tattoos that covered every inch of his bulging tanned arms, a white scar was clearly visible on the left side of his cheek. What's worse was they were all staring intensively at me. I wanted to run, run as far away as I possibly could, but that really would just show the world the coward I had always been.

So I walked slowly & surely to the bar, avoiding all eye contact with any of these unwelcoming strangers.

"_Bella please, Bella." _His voice in my head continued. _"Just run Bella, this isn't safe"_

I sat myself down, on the furthest seat I could find from the ogling eyes & the closest seat to the door. I laid my head down on the filthy bar table, my hair covering my sight, letting the tears yet again rush silently down my face.

"_Bella for me. Just get out of here Bella for me. These people…This place…it's just not safe. Run Bella, while you can. Please Bella, Please."_

But he was the reason I didn't want to leave. To here his voice, though I may be crazy, I didn't care, his voice I needed his voice. I needed him.

"What can I get you?"

I barely noticed the faint gruff voice. I looked up to see the creepy barman with the tattoos & the endearing scar. He seemed to be impatient, maybe he'd been there a while.

"Anything," I muttered. "Anything…" Then I though about it, how I could possibly make this all go away. It wasn't as if It was illegal now anyway, I was 21 after all. "Anything strong."

He nodded almost sympathetically, I suddenly didn't feel so scared by this creepy barman, in fact I felt a little guilty my Mom had always told me to 'not judge a book by its cover' but that was exactly was I had done.

When he returned back to behind the bar, I was free to put my head down & let my mind wonder again.

My mind lingered back to Jacob, the guilt that I felt for not being able to love him, like I loved Edward. I forced myself to picture myself in that wedding scene, I had imagined, Charlie's arm wrapped around mine, Rayen in a purple bridesmaid dress replacing my beloved Alice, the ceremony in a small church rather than the Cullen's magnificent manor house and this time the groom was Jacob, my best friend, my Jacob. It was the way it was meant to be, the way that it could've been & if Jacob accepted me for the fool that I was, then it still could've been that way but still it didn't feel right & as I imagined myself walking up the aisle Jacobs skin started to slowly turn a luminous pale white, his eyes a striking golden sparkle, his hair an unusual bronze & pretty soon he was replaced entirely by my Edward.

His voice was gone now from my head, I was left with just the silence of my thoughts & vague memories. I wanted nothing more for it to come back, but that just proved me even more insane, wanting something that wasn't even real.

The barman was back now, he placed down a long thin glass, inside it was a transparent clear liquid and I was pretty sure it wasn't water. I looked at it for several moments. Alcohol wasn't normally something I tolerated, but giving the circumstances I wanted it more than anything. I took hold of the glass, held it up to give it one last look, then drank it as quick as I could deem possible, when the glass reached the table again, only seconds later, it was empty. The taste was disgusting in my mouth, it burned my throats, it could've been acid for all I knew & I was glad when It was empty, but somehow that still kept me wanting more.

The barman still stood there, he had a pleased somewhat satisfied looked on his face, this again should of frightened me but I head was spinning slightly from the drink & I my thoughts were still elsewhere.

"Another?" he asked.

I nodded gratefully. The temptation of unknown drink, was slowly yet surely fading my memories of the previous day, acting like my very own comfort blanket.

He quickly brought me another, faster than he had taken to get me the first & that wasn't to be the last I had that evening, not by a long shot.

As the night went on & the alcohol was starting to take effect & my thoughts became jumbled but still directed to one subject, one place, one person - him.

Just as I had downed my 5th or could it have been 6th glass of this still unidentified beverage, the tall scruffy man in the long coat, walked over to my table & sat himself at the closest seat to me, uninvited.

He didn't speak , just peered upon me as if judging my every move, biting his lip hard as he made a decision. He pulled out a small plastic bag, containing the same white powder, than the teenagers in the corner had previously had on his table. I may not have been in a bar like this before, but I knew exactly what this dust-like substance was & I knew exactly what he was asking me, no words need be used. The voice returned.

"_Bella no, Bella no, no Bella please, anything but this."_

I looked at the tiny plastic package. The sensible girl inside me would never agree to this, Bella would never do such a thing, but tonight I didn't feel like Bella, a felt like just a soul, a mere soul, a lost soul. Nevertheless, this would be probably be the most dangerous things I would ever do, If I did something wrong I could kill myself, yet somehow now that didn't seem like such a big threat, part of me wanted to die & that part was becoming more & more dominant. Edwards voice still rung in my head, begging, pleading, that I wouldn't & yet that was beginning to convince me more, danger triggered his voice that was apparent & what was more dangerous than drug abuse.

The dealer waited patiently, It was evident that I wasn't the first to react like this.

I imagined what it would be like if I did take it. Would it really make the pain go away? Would it really make it better? Or Would it just make it even worse? That was the question. I would upset my parents that would be obvious & Rayen & Jacob, oh my poor Jacob, had I not hurt him enough this afternoon. And If, that was the big thing IF it did end up killing me? It wouldn't bother me, but it would be essentially selfish of me to do so, I would hurt more people than just myself, that was the big problem.

Eventually Bella won the fight, the soul though still dominant gave in. I shook my head to the dealer. _No matter how hard my life may be at the moment _I thought _I will not give in._ He looked disappointed, though not at all shocked & walked back over to the cluster of youngsters in the corner of the room. _His_ voice faded away to nothing again.

I beckoned to the landlord & within seconds he had produced me my clear alcoholic potion.

**Okay so that's chapter 5. Bit darker than my other chapters I know, but as you can tell I was trying to get the point across. The bars a little OTT I also know, but I needed to emphasise that Bella was doing something dangerous, so please if you can forgive. Next chapter should be up hopefully tonight if not tomorrow at the very latest. So tell me what you think people. Reviews are brilliant, please keep them coming! TTFN Lion . Lovin . Lamb XxX**


	6. Chapter 6 Part Of The Family

**Okay, so I'm sorry about the delay on this chapter. I've had my cousins round all weekend & I've hardly had a minute to myself. Bad excuse I know, but that's all I have. So anyway this is chapter 6. I have once again split this chapter as it was becoming really long. Like with this & chapter 5, chapter 7 was originally meant to be part of this one but I made it into two chapters for you the readers benefit, otherwise you'd be there for hours reading just one chapter. What can I say, I get carried away. Quite a short, boringish chapter (chapter 7 will be so much better I promise) but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thanks again to those of you who have added me as a favourite/alert or who have reviews, they are all very much appreciated. Please keep them coming people. Enjoy the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all, zilch, nada, nichts, rien, nothing. It all belongs to SMeyer.**

The night slowly dragged on. The waiter continued to bring me my alcoholic remedy, the taste becoming more & more addictive as I drank, I wondered if I would be ever able to stop, but I tried not to think about that, as I was well aware that part of me didn't want to stop, part of me that could just sit here forever. Somehow in grotty place, with its peeling walls & its strange inhabitants, a place where the majority of society had shunned, a place where nobody knew my story, nobody even knew my name, I was just a newbie to the joint, another lost soul, In a way I had not felt in such a long time at home. The thought sickened me, these were the sort of people I had once upon a time crossed the street to avoid , now I was becoming of one of them, part of team, part of this vulgar little family they had created amongst themselves.

At one point, the time I was uncertain on, I became aware of a buzzing at the very place of my left jean pocket. I at first contemplated that it was merely a side effect of the unknown alcohol, but as the buzzing grew on, I found myself getting annoyed, the feeling of it was irritating against my thigh. I brushed with my hand over the pocket, as to somehow stop it, I felt a hard rectangular block sticking out. My cell phone. I silently laughed at my idiocy, I had became too intoxicated to even notice the ring of my very own cell phone. I pulled it out of my pocket, knowing full well who exactly would be calling me.

And I was precisely right, the screen before me read the name, of my once closest girlfriend: Rayen Redford. I waited until the ringing had stopped, then viewed the long list that had now appeared on my tiny screen. 22 missed calls, 13 from Rayen, 7 from Cat my other housemate, 1 from Charlie (I wordlessly begged that they hadn't told him) & one to my great surprise from Jacob. I stopped at that 1 name & considered even calling it. Jacob deserved an apology, I knew that was for sure but I didn't think one made my a drunken mess, in a loud bar was really, was exactly appropriate. I came out of the missed calls screen & switched to my text messages. I had 10 new messages. _Ironic, _I though _I don't ever think I've been so popular. _The last sent was from Rayen:

Bella why aren't you answering my calls. We're all really worried, Jacob especially.. Please ring back Bella. We Love You Bells. Please come back. We'll talk. Love Rayen X

The text made me feel even guiltier than before, I had worried them, I had worried them all. She had said 'Jacob especially' which meant that after all I had done, he had forgiven me. She had said 'We' not 'I' but 'We Love You' which meant after all I had done, he still loved me. I didn't deserve him, I didn't deserve such a kind & forgiving friend. He deserved a girl, who loved him equally as he did her, a girl with out complications, a girl without a past, a girl who would live happily with him for the rest of their lives, a girl that I could never be.

I skipped the rest of the messages, all of which were from Rayen until I found one that was instead actually from Charlie.

Hey Bells, Just wondering if you were coming down tonight or tomorrow. Tried to ring but no answer. I suppose you've gone out, enjoyed the big day. Jacob said he was thinking of coming down. Have a good time. Ring me when you can. Love Dad.

_At least _I thought to myself _Charlie isn't none the wiser_. This made me feel the miniscule bit better, with Charlie less was always more. He would have more than likely, become extremely worried. It didn't help that his was a chief of police & so he would probably think the worst, in this sort of situation. _Yes it's much better Charlie's not in the know. _The last thing I needed was to panic my already overprotective father.

I continued scrolling down the list, part of me hoping that Jacob had sent me a message. A message that would change my mind completely & I would find myself fit to marry him. But there was no message. And even if there was, would it make much of a difference, it was clear that I couldn't marry him, my mind was too stubborn, I couldn't marry him because I wanted more than anything to marry someone else.

I turned the cell phone off. The calls & texts were unquestionably going to keep on coming, a hassle I felt I needed without.

The barman brought over my specialist beverage again, although this time he carried a pot of mixed nuts with him.

"I thought you'd want summit to eat." he said laying the drink & nuts before me.

"Thank You." I managed to mumble. I picked up a peanut from the bowl, the texture was too salty & the nut itself was too soft, but I to my surprise I was immensely hungry & I found myself munching on more of the nuts, almost finishing the bowl within seconds.

The barman chuckled at my rapid eating style.

"Hungry are ya. There's more where that came from." he said pointing with his finger to more untouched food bowls that lay across the top of the bar. "Whats ya name anyway?"

"Be…."I paused I couldn't tell him my real name, I didn't know this man, he could be a mass murderer for all I knew. I said of the first name that I could think of. "Angela."

I felt a twang of guilt, for using Angela's name. Although I hadn't seen her since graduation, she had been a good friend to me back in Fork High School. She was a good, kind, decent person…unlike myself.

The barman raised his eyebrows, he obviously didn't believe me, I never had been a good liar, but he didn't question it all the same.

"Well, then _Angela_." He said her, well my name slowly & exaggerated to show his disbelief. He sat down in the same chair that the drug dealer had sat only hours previous. "What's your story?"

I reached back in my chair, my hands now clammy with sweat, created by the tension that was now present between me & this stranger.

"Uuummm, well nothing. Uuuuum…." I couldn't gather together my words, it didn't matter though he still didn't believe me.

"Its just that I don't really think a girl like _you,"_ He lifted his hands waving them up & down indicating to me, emphasising his last word. "would hang around in a bar, like this for nothing."

I didn't say anything, just ducked my head in shame, of my shear obviousness.

"Am I right?"

I sighed, this was a man I barely knew & already like everyone else he could read me like a book. I nodded my head ever so slightly, the tears beginning once again to soak my cheek bones.

He smiled sympathetically at me, it almost gave a feeling of warmth & put his muscular arm around my shoulder.

"Now then, lovey why don't you tell old Sam what's wrong."

I looked up to meet his gave.

"It's a long story."

I squeezed me tight with his arm. Despite this mans rugged appearance I actually felt as if I could trust him.

"I think we have time."

And without thinking, not even considering the consequences I delved into my long story.

**Okay so I hope you liked this chapter. Not the best I know, but it did serve a purpose. This fanfic I'm guestmating to be around 9 or 10 chapters long, no a very long fic I know, but after all it is only really based around one particular occasion, maybe if I get carried away AGAIN it could be more. Be excited about chapter 7, hopefully all the pieces will have put together by then. If I keep going & resist being lazy, I should have it finished by tonight, otherwise expect it in the next day or so. Review if you can people, they're much appreciated. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb**


	7. Chapter 7 Truth

**Okay so this is chapter 7 people. And don't hate me but I know I bragged on about chapter 7 being the biggee an all but as always I got carried away with myself & yes you've guessed it the biggees now gonna be chapter 8. Please don't hate me people, I really do just get carried away. But I can promise to be excited about chapter 8 - this time for real I will force myself not to get carried away & actually get to the point I've been going on about the past 4 chapters. I solemnly swear. Anyway chapter 7, is still a pretty good chapter & you may find it a little surprising, so I hope you like it anyway. Thanks again to all of you have added me as a favourite/alert or who have added reviews, muchos muchos muchos gracias to those of you who have added a review for every chapter, I love how you are so loyal. Anyway I'll stop babbling yet again & get on with it. Review if you can people, pretty please with Edward on top. **

"So, let me get this straight." Sam said, picking up nuts from one of the several mixed nut bowls laid across the table. "This guy - shall we call him Jack - this Jack he's your best friend. Yes am I right? And he asked you to marry him. But you can't because you're still in love with - shall we call him Joe - you're still in love with Joe. And you haven't seen Joe for over what 3 years."

I hadn't told him exactly my whole story, he probably thought I was crazy enough as it was, never mind If I started raving on about vampires & werewolves. I couldn't even get myself to tell him the names, that would have just made it all the more personal. But I told him enough, how Edward had just left, how I could never really get over him, how Jacob had been there for me at my time of need & was now prepared to marry me. I had told this stranger, this violent looking beefy middle aged man who's first name was all I knew about him, more than I'd told anyone else, more than I'd even told my Jacob. It was funny how in such a desperate time I found the comfort in a stranger.

As he told my worries back to me, it just showed even more how pathetic I must appear. I was the silly little girl, who couldn't let go of the past, of some teenage fling, of a boy she hadn't seen in years & for that denied the boy who truly loved her. Pathetic indeed. Yet somehow, I couldn't put myself in those shoes even though it was almost definitely true. Edward was something more to me than just a fling, I did no still do love him & I had once believed that he had loved me back, it was foolish to think like that, but I truly had.

Sam waited silently & patiently for my answer, slowly chewing on another handful of nuts.

"Yeah, yeah, that's pretty much it."

It felt awful to admit it, like somebody had ripped my heart away completely but in a way it also felt quite good, I had finally got this worry off my chest & out in the open.

"Well, well then we do have a problem."

I didn't answer, more tears flowed from down my cheeks. He leaned his hand that didn't hold the nuts over to my face & dried away the puddle that had formed in the bags underneath my eyes.

"I suppose you want my opinion," He took his hand away from my face & tucked it into his trouser pocket, fumbling for something. He found it eventually. He showed me a crumpled old picture of a women, mid thirties maybe forties, she wasn't pretty per se but quite unusual looking she had dark curly red hair & even in the photo you could see her piercing green eyes. I looked up to find Sam eyes were brimming with tears, this women was obviously something special to him. "This is my Barbara, my Babs she always went by Babs. Left me too, to cancer, it'll be 16 years next June. 16 painful years. I'll never love another women like my Babs. No, I'll always love my Babs."

The tears were now rushing down his cheeks, I felt that I was now the one to be caring for him. He too had lost the one he loved, but his story made mine seem stupid & childish, this was his wife, his soul mate, a women he had vowed to spend the rest of his life with, but she had left him unwillingly, taken away by a wretched disease. I felt guilty, ever so guilty & had been feeling sorry for myself, I had been selfish. It had never even crossed my mind, that there were others out there suffering so much more than I was & now one of those sat across me at my very table.

"But," he continued. "Life is lonely, ever so lonely. I have my two sons. There's Jimmy he's a car mechanic, lives up in Seattle, has a wife & a baby, little Sammy Junior. Then there's Dan, living the life of riley so I've heard over in New York it's self. They visit from time to time but they have their own lives to lead don't they."

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve & picked up another handful of the soggy nuts.

"Course, I wouldn't mind some company. No one could replace my Babs, I know that, I've always known that. But maybe I could 'ave settled for another lost soul. Maybe the days wouldn't feel as lonely as long & as tedious as they are. Babs didn't want me to lead a lonely life, she wanted me to remarry but at the time such thoughts were excruciating to me. But now, now that I think about its she was right, well she was always right my Babs weren't she. I could've remarried, learned to love another, maybe not love her the same way I did Babs but love her all the same."

He warmly smiled at me, his eyes still red & wide from his previous tears.

"Of course." he said in merely a whisper. "I'll be 60 in a couple of months time. Its too late, way to late for me. I'll just to keep on living the way I do. But lovey, Angela it's not too late for you, you are young. Remember lovey time doesn't heal your wombs, only doing something about them does."

And somehow I knew exactly where this lonely old man was coming from. No one could ever replace my Edward but just like Sam's Babs he had left me & he wasn't coming back, it was the closest thing to as if he had died. I had to keep on living, though. He was right, I was still young. Marriage was perhaps a little too far, but If I just gave Jacob a chance, if I just saw him from a different perspective, had real dates with him, then maybe my life would not be wasted. Maybe, there was only one way of finding out.

"Thank you , thank you ever so much. Oh just thank you." My words seemed so loud to how I had spoken earlier that it almost seemed like I was shouting. I kissed Sam's forehead in gratefulness.

"Anytime Bella." A wide smirk appeared across his face.

_What, how huh?_ My thoughts were rapid. How did he know my name? Had I accidentally said it? Did I perhaps know him from somewhere? How on earth did this man know my name?

"It's been a while, since I last saw Charlie. Helped me out with a bit of trouble I had down here a few years back. Didn't change much, as you can see. Good man he is. Very good man, He..." He paused .He had obviously saw the horrified look that was now spread across my face. _This man knows Charlie_ I thought _so my secrets pretty much out. Now, what am I going to do?_ The very thought of it horrified me, Charlie finding out about this evening about all my very clandestine dark secrets. I shuddered to think what would happen.

Sam put his hands on my shoulder, gripping them slightly with his wide fingers.

"Don't you worry know lovey. My lips are sealed. I promise. I don't really think Charlie would be too pleased to hear his daughters been hanging around in bars, never mind her complicated love life. Yes, I believe it's better off Charlie not knowing."

"Thank you" was all I could manage to say.

"No problem now lovey. Now get your little ass out of here, you here me."

I reached into my pocket for my purse, to pay him for the god-knows-how-many drinks I had, had. He gently pushed my hand away.

"On the house lovey. And I mean it." He reached into his own jean pocket & produced a tattered brown wallet. He pulled out of his wallet two green notes. "Here this ought to do for a cab & don't go all modest on me, take it, you deserve it"

He passed me the money, then walked over to a new cluster of people, that hadn't been there when I had originally walked in which seemed like such a long time ago now, this time 4 men in there late twenties, all wearing the same blue hoodies. Some sort of club, I thought to myself.

I walked to the door, paused & turned to look around the bar. It seemed so much more harmless than it had done when I first walked in. This was Sam's place, _Sams Shed _as it was rightly called, only a small little hut at the edge of town. It had a bad reputation & it certainly lived up to it, but somehow the place didn't seem that bad to me. I would never return, I was certain of that, but an element of me felt sad about that fact. And I felt my eyes beginning to brim once again.

I walked through the door, out into the torrential rain pour, ready & certain to get a new start at life.

**Okay so that's chapter 7. So did you like it, were you surprised. Like I said up top, I know I promised Chapter 7 to be the biggee but its now chapter 8 & this time I swear, honestly, cross my heart & all that. Chapter 8 should be up pretty soon, I kind of obsessed with writing this particular chapter I hope you'll see why when I finally end up putting it on here. So if you can pretty please can you leave a review, they are so so so much appreciated. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb xXx**


	8. Chapter 8 The Stranger

**So yes be excited people chapter 8, is finally up & as promised it's the biggee. And after reading it I'm surely you'll see why. I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you who have even bothered to read my story, another big thank you to those of you who have added me or this story to your favourites and/or alerts it & a very special thank you to those who leave reviews, this all means such a lot to me. So as promised I hope you like this chapter, its certainly my favourite & if you can reviews would be very nice too. Thanks X**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

The rain was pouring fast & it was irritating as it fell on my head, too late to wish that I had brought my coat. There were no taxis to be seen either, not even many cars. I considered going back into Sam's bar, but I decided I had bothered him enough for one evening. So, I decided to walk, at least until saw a taxi or maybe even a late bus.

To pass by the time & to distract me from the torrential downpour, I turn my phone back on Again I had more missed calls from Rayen, but I decided to ignore them, the only real way I could apologise was in the flesh, face to face. I did after all have a lot to explain for.

The thought, struck me then. I could quite easily ring for a taxi, it would save me from getting positively drenched in this storm. I looked closely at the screen of the tiny cellular phone. No bars…typical. I'd have to keep on walking.

Walking I decided could actually be quite useful, I needed time to clear my head, to think of what I was going to say, what I was going to do. My decision would no doubt, not only change my own life, but several others too. Whether it was to be for the better that was the question.

As I walked along, I found my self almost making a to do list. A to do list, of the beginning of the rest of my life. I would go see Renee & Phil more. These past few years I had much neglected their company & found at best I saw them maybe once or twice a year, if that. And it was all because part of me, just couldn't let go of Forks. That was about to change. I would actually try to socialise with my fellow college students. I would become a proper best friend for Rayen. She had after all, since the very first day I had started Peninsula, been there for me. We would do normal girly things, go shopping, have girls nights in, do each others hair or whatever it is that college girls to these days. I may even let her, take me clubbing. Charlie, Charlie I'd appreciate his company more. I'd actually try & be the daughter he should've had. And then there was Jacob. I would give Jacob a chance. I wouldn't marry him, at least not yet. But I would consider him, more than just a friend. No, in fact, I would even give it a try at being his girlfriend.

Girlfriend, no there was a word, that hadn't been used indicated at me at such a long time. The very thought of it, made me dizzy.

I remembered again the last person I had been considered a girlfriend too, but in truth I had considered myself so much more. Sam said, that I would still love him, that the feeling could possibly never go away. But I had to give living a real life another try. I couldn't go hanging on a fantasy. Yet there was still part of me that didn't want to let go. And that part was confusing me.

Jacob could never fill Edwards shoes, that was inevitable, but he loved me & I wanted him to be happy & I wanted myself to be happy, so I had to give it a try._ In the bar it had seemed so simple, now that I thought about it now, it was anything but. Could I really be happy with Jacob? I mean really_ happy? The only real happiness I had ever had, that I ever would have, that I ever could have, was with Edward, that was so clear. Could Jacob ever give me such happiness? Or was this just all a waste of time?

I shook the thought, out of my head. I had to give this try. I had to. If not for myself but for those I loved. I couldn't carry living on life living like a hermit, like some sort of zombie. Yes, I had to give this try. Even if things didn't go to plan, I still had to try, otherwise I would never know.

I then heard a noise behind me, a slight grunt. For one brief second, I thought it could have been _him._ But it was too dull, gritty & jarring to me his musical voice. I turned my head swiftly but kept on walking. It was a very tall man, probably only an inch or so smaller than Jacob, he was wearing one of the hooded jackets that the men in Sam's had been wearing. I couldn't see his face though, it was hidden in the dark by his hood.

I kept on walking. It was just a man, just a man, just a human man. No body to worry or even think about.

As I kept walking up the road, I noticed that this man hadn't turn at all in any other particular direction, he kept on the same path as me. _Strange _I though _Why would he be walking towards town at this time of night?_

As the yards passed I noticed this man, was still following me & his steps were becoming more quick paced, so he was barely a few feet away from me. It was all rather strange not to mention creepy.

I remembered I had kept my pepper spray, provided by Charlie, put away safely in my wardrobe for safe keeping, until emergencies.

I decided maybe this was just a coincidence, yes just a coincidence. This was just a man, just a man, walking back home. He's probably a little drunk doesn't know where he is. But I couldn't quite convince myself.

I kept walking anyways. Getting faster & faster with each step, to the point where I was practically running. I made sure my phone stayed safely by my side, in case I would ever need to use it.

He still followed. I didn't know what to do, I was alone, no one else was here, my pepper spray was at home, my phone had no signal, so I couldn't contact anyone,. My mind wondered to another occasion, oh too similar to this one. Only that night, my saviour, my Edward, had been there, tonight I was alone.

I made the decision to at least try to avoid this terrifying stalking man. I would have to someway confuse him, to make him think that I had gone a different way. It was hard, but I was going to try & lose him. I noticed a tall terrace building, a apartment block or something of the sort, the door was ever so slightly open. Next to that was a small alley that lead to the very front of Port Angeles boulevard, where all the restaurants, hotels & bars were, where it would be busy.

The plan seemed so simple. I would stay in the porch of the building, wait until it was safe, then take the alley to the boulevard.

I gave one swift look at the man, who had followed me, then stepped right into the building. It was old & derelict & probably hadn't been lived in, in several years, but it was perfect it kept me safe.

I looked careful through the small window of the door to the building. The man, had kept on walking, he had left. I briefed a sigh of relief.

I waited in the hallway anyways, just to be on the safe side. I must have stayed in there about half an hour, maybe more, until I finally deemed that it would be safe.

I opened the door of the building a jar, looked from left to right several times, just to check. There was no one there. I stepped out cautiously. Still no one there. I was safe.

I turned down into the little alley. Still no one to be seen.

I kept walking ever so vigilantly, my hand tightly wrapped around my phone, in case of emergency.

I had already walked half way down the alley, by the time I noticed.

Waiting, quietly & still, behind the dustbin, was the man, who had followed me previously. I gulped. I knew I was heading for danger & there was no running from it, he was already too close. It seemed ironic that just as I was ready to begin a fresh start of life, I was going to die.

"Think you could run away from me did you darling." he snarled. His voice even more petrifying than I feared.

I started to run, it was the only thing I could do. But he was faster, much faster. In seconds he knocked me to the ground.

I hit my head hard, against the concrete, a gush of blood came running out. The sudden feeling of nausea came.

He threw me up holding, me tight against his chest. In his hand was a small yet deadly sharp knife, he held it tightly against my throat.

"Don't even think about screaming." he barked. He crushed his body closer to mine. "Otherwise, I'll slit your throat without another thought."

He licked the side of my face. His tongue, cold dark, hideous, like a poison. All I could do was to beg for my death to come quickly. I was a coward, I had no choice to give in. I was to die the coward I had always bee.

"And, we don't want that do we now." He turned me still with a fierce grip to face him. "No, we don't such a pretty face."

He stroked my cheek with his thumb on the hand that held the knife. I watched in disgust, the tears now pour more than ever before.

I didn't want to die like this. This wasn't the way I wanted to go. I wanted to live. I wanted to try for Jacob. I wanted to see if a normal life was possible for me. And now it was clear that life would never come, because in a few hours, maybe if I'm lucky a few minutes I would be dead.

I continued to watch his thumb as it caressed my face. His hand was cold ice cold, but not the cold, I had wished to feel for so long. No this cold was a painful cold, like someone was ripping my skin.

I thought of my Edward. This was probably the most dangerous situation I could ever have landed in & yet his voice stayed silent. And that was all I needed, all I begged for, just to have his voice, to comfort me & take me easily to my death.

I tried to imagine, what he would say but I couldn't, my mind was too jumbled to think of anything else but wanting him here.

As this stranger was ready to kill me, the memories all came flooding back, that first day in biology how he had wanted to kill me so badly, he stare, his eyes, the day he had returned, our small conversation, the day he had saved me from Tylers van, the times he had ignored me, the day we finally spoke again, the day he had saved me from those men, when I found out the truth of what he really was, the days that followed, his puzzling questions, the day in the meadow, his confession, our first kiss, the night he had first stayed, the day he introduced me to his family, baseball, James - how he had almost killed me, the day Edward had saved me in the ballet studio, the day I had first awoke in the hospital, the weeks that followed, the prom, the summer of a lifetime, the worst weather conditions forks had seen in a long time, my birthday, the paper cut, Jasper & finally the day he had left, left for good.

All this time I secretly wished that If I was to die, I would be with him.

"_I love you Edward" _I silently thought in my head. It would probably be my last thought.

And then I heard his voice again, only softly & gently in my head, but I still heard it.

"_Fight back Bella"_

The murderer was still stroking my face with his thumb, up & down my cheek, just inches away from my mouth. And with out even hardly thinking, I bit it, with all might & strength I bit down hard on to his thumb.

He gave a loud yelp & dropped the knife of which he was holding. Blood poured from his womb, the blood was slightly visible, a small chunk of his thumb now missing.

I began to sprint, as fast as I could down the alley. But he had already noticed & was sprinting after me.

With the same bloody hand he pulled me back, by my face, covering my mouth.

He pushed me against a wall. Another crack. I felt the blood now oozing rapidly down the back of my head.

"My, my aren't we the feisty one."

He started ripping at my shirt, popping off the first couple of buttons that held it up. He briefly then stopped after a minute or so. He then started to roughly kissed, though it felt more like tiny bites, to my neck. He started with his free hand that didn't hold me to the wall, to undo his trousers.

_This is it_ I thought _I'm now truly going to die._

I didn't even try to fight back at him, I had said my goodbyes to Edward & that was all that really mattered. I would die now & for some reason it no longer scared me. Life had not been worth living with out Edward, death would ultimately be the better option.

Then suddenly, so quick that my eyes could barely adjust he was ripped from me & was now pinned to the ground, yards from where we had been standing.

I looked up to see exactly what had happened.

And there he stood. Still exactly how I had last saw him. His unusual bronze hair, his perfect angular features, his luminous pale skin & his exotic topaz eyes still exactly as they were three years ago. He looked so young, forever seventeen.

My eyes darted for the moment to man now lying on the ground. Not quite unconscious, but he had blood now oozing from his face & head like a river onto the hard paving.

Edward turned to face me.

"Bella." he said. His eyes were almost smouldering. It had been so long. It had been too long.

And that was all he said. He smiled ever so gently at me, we just stood there staring at each other just staring for several moments. A moment that I would forever treasure.

I didn't even think of the consequences, I ran to him, my saviour, my hero, my Edward and with all my might I jumped into his arms & I kissed him.

And he kissed me back. It was like no other kissed we had ever shared, he had always been so careful, so gentle, worried of what he could do to me, but now he was exactly the opposite.

After what could have been hours for all I cared, he suddenly stopped.

"You have to get out of here."

He walked me over to the boulevard, walked across the busy road and sat me on one of the benches.

There was so many things I had to tell him, ask him, but they could all wait because for now I was treasuring the moment - Edward was back.

"I'll be back." he assured me., then turned to the dark alley where the murderer still lay.

I sat there & thought of nothing else but my saviour. He was back I was sure of that but then the question bubbled in my mind 'Was he back for good?'. That was what I couldn't be sure of.

But my question would have to wait, as standing across the road was Edward & I became all to intoxicated by his presense.

Again without thinking, I ran back over to him, over the road of the boulevard.

I didn't see the car coming straight, at me until the very last second. It was all so quick, not even Edward could be fast enough to save me.

The force was rigid & painful, I let out a scream in agony. I toppled within seconds to the floor.

I felt myself suddenly faint, as if I was about to drift away into another sleep. The pain was excruciating against my ribs & hips, I felt that death was so surely to come.

Edward was at my side almost immediately. I could tell by his face that he was worried, he knew it as surely as I, that I was going to die.

I felt myself drifting away into my sleep.

"Bella." he said. "Bella, please, no, don't do this stay with me Bella, stay with me. Stay alive."

He gripped me tight against him, cradling me.

"Come one, Bella please, stay with me. Don't do this to me Bella god damn it Bella. Stay alive, please Bella, please."

He began to kiss my wrists & cheeks & forehead, still muttering my name.

I could feel death certainly coming, there was just one thing I wanted to say, before I left him forever.

"I will always love you Edward."

He kissed my slightly on the lips. Then looked deep fully into my eyes.

"I will always love you Bella."

And with that I fell suddenly into my deep & eternal slumber.

**So what did everyone think. Told you this chapter was gonna be a biggee didn't I. And yes finally people Edwards back, hurray hallelujah, praise Carlisle. But hold on a sec is Bella dead, wait, woah, is she? Well I suppose you'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out & just so you know it may not be from Bellas POV. It should be up in the next couple of days. So anyway I hope you all liked it, for obvious reasons this is my favourite chapter, it was such an interesting one to write. So like I said before I you can pretty please can you leave a review, it's absolutely excellent when I receive them I practically jump for joy when I see I have them in my inbox. I appreciate them so much. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb XxX **


	9. Chapter 9 Choices EPOV

**Okay so hate me everyone, yet again. I had a very lazy weekend & didn't do much writing at all I must be frank with you. But I'm back now with Chapter 9. This chapter is gonna be a bit different to my others in the fact that it's in Edward POV. Yes, I know your all probably thinking, has she gone crazy, did someone spike her orange juice this morning? Why on earth is Lion. Lovin. Lamb written in Edwards POV when for she's for the past 8 chapters wrote in Bella's. Believe me people it has a purpose, it most certainly does. Anyway thanks to everyone who has read my story so far, it really means a lot. Especially those of you who've added me/the story as an alert or a favourite & of course those fabulous few who leave reviews - you most definitely rock. I know I say this every chapter but I really do appreciate them, I seriously do. So I hope you like it & pretty please with Edward on top of you can leave a review. =D Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from crazy ideas, copies of twilight books & a fan fiction account. The twilight characters all belong to .**

_**Edwards POV **_

She lay there in my arms, unconscious. Not dead, no not dead, I had to keeping telling myself, just unconscious just unconscious but as I looked at her immobile body, I knew that she wasn't far off.

I didn't know what to do with myself. For the 1st time since becoming a vampire, probably he 1st time ever, I felt like an emotional wreck. The person I loved lay there dieing in my arms, yet I felt like I couldn't move felt like nothing else mattered. The blood that poured from her intensified & the smell was all too tempting, it disgusted me. How could I be such a monster? After everything that had happened the smell, was almost still unbearable for me. But I fought against it, I fought against it for Bella, my Bella, she would not die at my hands, I would never let myself do that. I loved her, after all these years apart, thinking the pain would surely ease, I still loved just the same as I had back then, could it even be possible that I loved her more.

I recalled the events in my head. Could this truly have happened because of me? I had been foolish, to return this morning, extremely foolish, just because of my own selfishness. I had led myself here, without even thinking of the consequences. She had moved on, she had healed over time unlike my delusional self, she had friends, she went to college & she had that Jacob, as I had heard in that girl Rayens thoughts he planned to propose to her. Me coming back this morning, saying those words to her, it had turned her world upside down. Why else would she have said my surname allowed in class? Why else would she have refused his proposal? Why else would she have been here, in this part of town? Why else?

I must have been truly a nightmare for her. A ghost from the past. Something that she had tried to forget. A man who had just left her, left her without any warning or not even so much as a word since. She must detest me. I would detest me. I do detest me.

And yet she had said she loved me, twice even, she had said as clear as a cloudless night, that she still loved & that she would always love me. The words were so beautiful coming from her but I just couldn't see it. How could she still love me? I was a monster, a monster in the way in lived, a monster to be so selfish as to love her, a monster to involve her in my world, a monster to deny her so her so much as I had done, a monster to have left the way I did. I was a monster. How could anyone love a monster?

What's worse is that If I hadn't have been so selfish as to return to her, to see her one last time, to bade her one last final goodbye before I left her truly forever, she would have died at the hand of that murderer, that sick minded twisted man, just seeing his thoughts in my mind had been enough to want to kill him, but I didn't kill him, I didn't kill him for my Bella, he was now rotting up near the mountains far from her, waiting unknowingly to be arrested. If perhaps I had watched her, stayed close to her, throughout the day, then perhaps these circumstances would be different. But I was a coward, too cowardly for words, part of me didn't want to see how she lived now, didn't want to see her close with this Jacob, for I knew I would mostly certainly be jealous & part of me simply just wanted to whisk her away & bring her back to me, start where we had left off. That would have most insensible, not to mention childish & egocentric. I couldn't drag Bella away from reality, not again. So I ran & I ran & I ran until I unintentionally reached the meadow, my meadow, no not my meadow, it hadn't been for a long time just my meadow, it was _our _meadow, a piece of both of us. And that was where I stayed, for hours, stupidly daydreaming of what had been & what could never be. And just as I had returned, I had saw his thoughts, ripping her clothes off, having her & then killing her, without another thought, then hiding her where he had hid all those other girls. The very idea of it, made me even more furious.

Then I had saved her, that was one thing I was grateful for myself for doing, for saving my Bella, for his evil clutches. And she had jumped into my arms as if I had been only gone 3 day never mind 3 years & we had kissed, no we had more than kissed, I had never kissed her like that before, the feeling had suddenly come over me when she was so near, I could have killed her at that very moment, I should have been more cautious, but that selfish part of me took control once more & all that seemed to matter to me, was that I was with her.

As that scumbag, had started to regain consciousness behind us, I all to soon broke apart from her. The sensible side of me had returned & I knew it was too dangerous for her to be there, so I walked her across the road before I did what was to be done. I had walked her across the road to the safer busy street front & assured her, for I owed her for this at least, that I would return to her.

Then I had returned, I had stood there several seconds, just admiring her, admiring her beauty, admiring her uniqueness, admiring the love glowed from her when she looked at me, until she saw me. She stepped out on to the road, she wasn't looking for the traffic & to be honest neither was I, we both were just intoxicated by each other. It was then that I heard the drivers thoughts, he saw Bella straight in front of him. I ran to her in breakneck speed, not caring about who saw & what effect it might have afterwards, just caring about getting to her. But I was too late, even with my speed I was too late, the car had already knocked her with a great force to the ground. She lay there blood oozing out of her.

And now she lay here in my arms slowly dieing.

Many humans, had now come out to view the scene. I could hear their thoughts in their heads, some were wondering about how quickly I how quickly I had got there, some wondered if the driver had been drinking, some wondered if Bella had but every single one of them, thought the same thing, that the girl that lay silently in my arms was going to die.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. A short chubby middle aged woman, dressed in a too small waitresses outfit, stood by my side. I had heard the woman coming towards me, heard her thoughts of the incident but had otherwise ignored her, ignored everyone apart from the girl in my arms.

It was then that I really heard what the woman was thinking, that I really paid attention to her, her thoughts were different from the others. She was praying.

_Please save this poor girl, this poor innocent girl, lord. She is barely out of childhood & look at this poor boy, he loves her, you can see it in his eyes, don't take this girl away from him. She is like my Josie lord, she'd be around the same age now, please bless her lord & save her, save her for this boy. Don't let her go the same way as Josie._

I saw a memory replay in the woman's mind. A young girl - Josie- barely six or seven years old, skipping over with a rope in hand, down a country path, while her mother, the woman dawdled along behind her with an elderly man, carrying several shopping bags. A teenager on a motorbike, at least tripling the speed limit on the small country road, wobbling on it ever so slightly from the speed, a woman behind him holding tightly to his waist both are quite clearly intoxicated, neither wearing helmets. The motorbike loses control at the bend, steering off onto the path, straight into the path of the girl. All 3 are dead instantly.

The woman leans herself to face me, her eyes are swollen with tears & I'm surprised to hear in my mind that they are not just for that little girl, that aren't even for Bella, they are for me, because she knows what it feels like to lose someone. She has felt that never-ending pain, she has seen the only person she loves die in front of her eyes & now cares for me, of all people, that she doesn't want me to endure her unhappiness that she has for 15 years lived with.

"It'll be ok. You've got to believe that it'll be ok. All you have to do is believe." she said, her voice soft & gentle, almost comforting, it was backed by her thoughts which were even more pure & angelic.

She lifted my chin up with her stubby index finger & took in every aspect of my face. She took my face into her hands & stroked in gently with her fingers. I wondered how she felt comfortable being so close to me, it was normal human instinct to keep as far away as possible & how she could withstand the frosty temperature of my skin, already in this dreadful storm, but neither thought crossed her mind. She continued praying, praying for Bella's survival.

And surprisingly I found myself praying with her.

I heard a call from behind us. I didn't look up to see who that person was, I didn't need to, I already saw him in the minds of the others that surrounded us. A scraggy looking teenager, wearing overly baggy jeans & t-shirt, complete with dreadlocks. Normally most of these people wouldn't have given this boy the time of day, but all stared at him now intently, hanging on his every word.

"We've called an ambulance, it should be here soon."

The woman's thoughts changed, suddenly she was more determined. She started rooting in her mind, finding the lost medical knowledge she had, had from her days as a nurse, the days before the day with Josie.

_Soon, isn't soon enough. The ambulance will take at least 10 maybe 15 minutes to get here. This poor girl had barely a few minutes to live. The boys the only one who can save her. He's her only hope. He must do everything in his power to save her._

And suddenly I knew what I had to do.

The woman, now replayed in her mind the scene when I had ran over to Bella, the coldness of my touch, my immobile stature whilst I held Bella close to me. This woman, knew I wasn't human, she knew I had it in my power to save Bella.

And she was right. But she was also wrong, this woman believed that I was a gift from god, that I was in a sort some kind of angel, that I was full of goodness, of love, of hope. She thought of me as an angel, where as I was really as far away from being an angel than it was possible. I was more of a monster, no worse a demon.

I would have to change Bella, change her to become one of us, to become like me. Otherwise she would have little hope of survival. She had once said she wanted this more than anything else, she had once almost begged me to do this to her, to make her a monster. But had times had changed, she had practically almost moved on, she was now leading a normal life. Could I really take it away from her? Could she still want this for herself? Or would she just come to loathe me for doing it to her, loathe me for the thirst, for the distance she would now have to make between herself & her family & friends, loathe me for turning her whole world upside again. Could after all this time she possibly prefer death?

I was stuck between the ideas could I leave her as she is, risk her dieing right now in my arms, for that little hope that she could pull through & still carry on her human life. Or would I risk, turning her, knowing that if I did succeed then she could quite possibly hate me for it or worse not being able to stop & killing her at my own hands.

I had always made a promise to myself. That life could not be worth bearing with out Bella & that when she died, I would die myself. I had contemplated the thought, many a time, since I'd left. How I would commit suicide, was always the harder issue, the only way I surely believe is if I somehow infuriated the Volturi. That would mean going all the way over to Italy though & I wanted more than anything to die together with Bella.

I looked at her body, still lying, just as she had when she slept. Even now she seemed the most interesting, the most beautiful of people in the world. To me, no one, no vampire could even compare to her.

"You have to try," the woman whispered gently. "You have to try."

She was unaware of what it was I did have to try, but I knew exactly what it was & the thought pained me, seeing her overcome the brutal throbbing of the change, knowing that she would want nothing more at that moment to die.

But the woman was right, Bella was slipping through my fingers at that very instance, her chances of survival were clearly slim, even to a human. I had to try.

I stood up, Bella holding Bella still tight to my chest, several members of the crowd were shocked by my sudden movement, but It didn't even bother me, not now.

"I have to try & save her." I spoke to all of those surrounding me, my voice sounded weak, almost human.

And though all were still stunned, they understood me, they understood that the ambulance wouldn't be there on time & most of all they understood the love I had for Bella. For that I was grateful.

I ran with Bella in my arms, all eyes of the crowd still watching me, back down the alley, of where this all started, at an practically human pace, until I was certain that no human eyes still lingered on us & ran as fast as I could deem possible, up into the hills on the Olympic national park.

I lay her unconscious body down on the forest floor. I could still hear her heart still pumping her blood through her veins, the sound seemed so beautiful & this would be the last time I would ever hear it.

I sat myself next to her, stroking her hair. I needed to be ready for this, I needed to make sure I could do this right, I needed to make sure that I wouldn't kill her.

I took a few unnecessary deep breaths to calm myself. I lent in towards her slow even for human speed, her smell so luscious & tempting, I hated myself for it. I bent myself slightly closer to her, inches away from her neck. I sighed, then pulled myself down for the moment.

_Edward wait. _

I shot myself back up, this time at vampire speed. It was Alice, my sister. I hadn't seen her in over 2 and a half years, those first few months I had visited but being around my family, just made matters worse. These days I preferred merely my own company. I had been so preoccupied with the task that I was going to proceed, that I had barely even paid attention to my power & now noticed that she had been calling to me silently for several minutes.

She was by my side now. Her wide gaze, full of worry.

_You're not ready for this Edward you're not. You don't want this to happen, not yet. You want it to be her decision. You want to be sure this is the right thing to do & right now you don't believe it is. _

I duck my head in shame, at how right my sister is. When had I become so easy to read?

I merely let out a murmur.

"But she'll die."

_She won't if we save her._

I then I see it in Alice's mind. Her vision. Bella's, lying in the bed of Olympic Memorial, she's motionless but the heart monitor keeps on beating, a sign that she lives.

_Lets take her. _

I scoop her back up into my arms. I felt that if it were possible to cry, right now I most certainly would. I look at her & feel a light of hope, now filling that dark horizon.

Bella would live & that is all that would matter to me. From now on, I would give her what _she_ wanted, for it was all that she deserved. Anything & everything from me, as long I was sure she wanted it, for my Bella deserved happiness.

And if that meant choosing her normal life, over me I would give it to her. If I could I would give her the world, for she gave me her life & that's all that matters to me. As long as she lives & she is happy, I'm happy.

As we set off to run towards the hospital, Alice turned to look at me. I saw her vision just as well as she did.

It is an old vision, I have seen it several times before, but not in a long time, not since I, we had left Forks that day.

Bella & Alice arms wrapped around each other, both clearly the best of friends. Alice still stayed exactly the way that I saw her before now, but Bella's skin was now even paler than before & it sparkled in the sun, her hair had now turned a darker, her features had become even more enhanced & the most startling of all were her deep crimson irises of her wide eyes.

This vision had infuriated me before, I couldn't bare to think of Bella as a soulless monster, but I had reassured myself that from now on I would only do what she wanted & if this was what she wanted, then no matter how much it pained me, her wish for forever be my command.

_If will happen _Alice silently confirmed. _I'm unsure when, or where, or how? But it will. I think it was always destined to be._

"Now you really _do _sound like one of those phoney carnival psychics." I smiled back at her. It had been so long since I'd seen my crazy sister & I found that I had missed her too.

She laughed, nudging me gently, trying not to hurt Bella. She spoke aloud for the first time that evening.

"Yeah I guess." She looked up at me. "I know _who_ though."

She saw me hand in hand with Bella, back in our meadow, it seemed like a vision of the past but I knew that it was a vision of the future. The little light of hope, grew deeper inside me.

"Yeah, so do I."

We both ran off full speed down towards the hospital. The feeling of Bella's warmth close to me, comforted me, after everything I was just glad to be near her again.

Alice didn't think much as we ran & found myself getting distracted, I found myself hoping for the future. I found myself for the 2nd time that night praying.

**So what does everyone think? Did you like, dislike, think that someone did spike my OJ because it was a little random doing it from Edwards POV? Also I'm not sure but Edward & Alice may be a little OOC, I dunno. Please Please Please I need to know. So If You can, a quick review, would be pretty nice & I certainly do love them.**

**Oh for anyone who's interested. After writing this chapter, I thought it was a little unfair to Edward to just sum his story up in a couple of paragraphs, so I've decided to write Insomnia from Edwards POV. Again it would be really helpful to know if this is a good or bad idea, because if your not to impressed with the idea then I won't bother writing it. You readers happiness mean everything when it comes to my fan fics. So anyway just an idea tell me what you think in a review or PM.**

**Right, now I've started babbling as per usual. I'll shut up now. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb xXx **


	10. Chapter 10 Guardian Angel

**Ok chapter 10 people & we are back to Bellas POV. I said a few chapters ago, that this fic would be about 9-10 chapters long but as I've mentioned several times now, I get a bit carried away with myself so I guestemating to be at the least 12 & at the most 16 chapters long. I have at the moment a few ideas I still not entirely sure I'm going to put in the fic. After popular demand I've decided I'm going to write Insomnia entirely from EPOV. I think it's going to be called Hypersomnia although I'm not 100% sure yet. Any other ideas would be good too, just for consideration. Thank you to everyone who's read so far & have forgiven me for getting carried away time & time & time again & to everyone who's added me as a favourite or put me on alert or added a review etc etc. All of this really boosts my confidents. Anyway I'll stop babbling as always. Heres Chapter 10! **

…"_Come one, Bella please, stay with me. Don't do this to me Bella god damn it Bella. Stay alive, please Bella, please."_

_He began to kiss my wrists & cheeks & forehead, still muttering my name._

_I could feel death certainly coming, there was just one thing I wanted to say, before I left him forever._

"_I will always love you Edward."_

_He kissed my slightly on the lips. Then looked deep fully into my eyes._

"_I will always love you Bella."_

_And with that I fell suddenly into my deep & eternal slumber…_

The image blackened into darkness. I found myself opening my eyes, my vision blurred, though I instantly knew that my surroundings were unfamiliar. I leaped up in shock, feeling the sudden pain of the cords injected into my arms. I let out a shriek in agony.

The room was unmistakably that of a hospitals, I had been in one often enough to recognize one. The walls were the usual cream white, the bed was hard & metal with a very mattress, the bedding a thin blue sheet, what made it more obvious was the heart monitor & the bag of blood that hung from a tall pole next to me. The table in front of me was decorated with cards & flowers & even I noticed a un unopened box of expensive Belgian chocolates.

What had happened to me?

I cast my mind back to my dream, my wonderful yet still terrifying dream. Could that possibly have been real, could it? I was impossible to tell. I couldn't have truly imagined that up, could I? There were some things too real, too familiar to be part of a dream, his glorious smell, his touch, his all too real voice, that kiss, the pain, the agony…But then again it wouldn't be the 1st time I had let my imagine run away. And there was always the one thing holding me back, keeping me from thinking it was real, he had once promised me that he was never coming back & I had always believed that.

The tears began to run down my face. I hated how weak I was. I wanted nothing more than just a stupid dream, to be real. I really was a coward.

At that moment a small blonde woman walked in, dressed entirely in a blue nurses uniform. A tag a large white thing, that reminded me of something a waitress at a children's party would wear, on her left breast read the name "Brooke". She was smiling friendly at me, she was a stranger to me but I was obviously no stranger to her, but her eyes turned sympathetic as she saw the tears that now rolled down my face.

"Oh hey there." Her voice was high pitched, happy & unmistakably Texan. "How long ya bin awake for there?"

I wiped the tears hastily from my face, my skin felt dry & brittle, like a strangers. I noticed my hair hang limp & soggy against my tears. I could only fear the worse if I looked in a mirror.

"Not long." I replied, my voice was deep, croaky, another unfamiliarity. I wondered how long I'd been here for. How long I'd been unconscious? The nurse answered my silent questions.

"Well that's good, Doctor Morton will want to check ya out." She stopped to survey a bouquet of Lily's that took up the most space of the small table. Then she turned to look at me again, with that same sympathetic smile. "Ya know ya'll lucky to alive honey."

It was then that I really got the chance to observe myself. Cuts & bruises covered every inch of my arms & legs, my right arm was in plaster, I could feel the bandages now that covered my ribs & hips & the large thick one that covered the my temple & forehead & I could feel the irritating feeling of stitches on my stomach. I groaned, what a sight I must've seemed.

"Don't be so worried honey. It aint as bad as it seems. Trust me, I've seen worse it here. You're were very lucky it was just a couple of ribs, a little damage to ya hips & o' course ya wrist & arm. Sure may seem like a lot but believe me that car coulda done a lot worse. Ya must have a guardian angel or summit honey."

I think by her words she was trying to help, make the situation seem a lot worse, but it didn't help at all really it just reminded me of the injuries that I would now how to live with. The only little help she gave me was that she had mentioned a car. It gave me the little hope that my dream could've possibly have been real. Little hope, that was, as I thought about it, it became quite apparent that I could have quite easily have got hit by a car anyway, it wasn't like it was unusual.

She was still observing the many flowers I had received, occasionally reading one of the cards that came with them. She paused at one & smiled lovingly, then looked up at me her grin protruding even more. I wondered exactly what she had read.

"O' Course you missy have had everyone worried. That Daddy o' yours barely ever leaves this place, you've got him as anxious as anything. Good job ya Mom's here to sort him out make sure he shaves & changes his pants an all."

She laughs. I don't. Maybe in another situation I would have found this funny, but I hated what I had drawn Charlie to. It sickened me.

"Oh & then there's that _boyfriend _of yours." She makes the word even more high pitched than her usual tone, which rings in my now sensitive ears, but even I have to admit I feel a jump in my stomach when I hear it. "Gosh I'm so jealous, he's so dedicated to you, we have to force him out of here after visiting hours. Oh & that friend of yours, nutty as a fruit cake, surely is. Keeps giving Doctor Morton medical advice. He loves her though, a little too much if you ask me." She nudges her eyebrows in innuendo. It makes me chuckle, if only a little. "But believe me when I say that's only a tenth of the crowd. Gosh ya are a popular little lady."

It takes me a moment to take everything's she's said in. My mind still lingered over one word in particular. Boyfriend. Surely she had meant Jacob. Most people considered him in that role anyways. But mind wondered to another person, though it didn't seem possible. That dream had left me so confused. Then she had mentioned a friend, surely it had been Rayen, I mean all the evidence pointed to her, it was unusual for her to attract the opposite sex & the term 'nutty as a fruit cake' seem at best a way to describe her hyper ways but the nurse had mentioned she had been trying to give the Doctor medical advice. Somehow that just didn't seem like Rayen, the girl who thought cardiac arrest, was something to do with the police force.

Something didn't add up. And I couldn't quite tell what it was. Maybe it was the morphine taking affect.

"Yeah, I um guess so." I replied, my voice was back to average now yet still shaky. "Um where are they exactly?"

I wanted so badly to answer the questions that now spun in my head & the answers lay with whoever was waiting for me to awaken.

"Well honey, like I said ya have a bit of a bunch, so they're all dotted around the place. Now Doctor Morton wants to see ya, but I suppose ya could get a little bit of company first. Golly I knew I certainly would. Now who should I get first…"She paused. Her face lightened as if she'd just worked something out. "Nope, never mind, I think I know who."

She showed me her dazzling unnatural white teeth in a wide childlike almost mischievous smile. I decided I liked Brooke, she may be interested in gossiping more than the actual nursing medical part of the job but In a way that served me better. Not once in our whole conversation, had she come close to me with a needle or a thermometer of any sort. And that smile of hers made me feel more good that I should've, wishing again on idle thoughts & imagination.

She wiggled her fingers at me & walked out of the room door.

I lay my head back on my pillow, recalling my wondrous dream, skipping the bad bits & replaying over again that moment in the alley. My heart paced at the very thought. Not in terror but in delight.

I was awoken from my day dream to hear a recognizable voice from outside the room. It was most definitely Jacob.

I knew I should have been happy, delighted in fact to hear his voice, to know that he had forgiven me for everything but his voice had left me feeling gloomy, almost depressed. It wasn't voice I wanted to hear.

I listened intently on the conversation he was now having with a nurse, not Brooke, a different one, there was no comforting Texas twang to her accent, in fact it sounded dreary almost gloomy.

"How is she?" he demanded politely, he voice deep & confused, it sounded almost like he had been crying. My eyes watered with the idea.

"I am not to know. Her primary nurse is Miss Brooke Everdeen. If you have any concerns go to her or Dr Morton when he comes out of surgery. Now if you excuse me, I have patients to see to." Her voice was stern, like that of a strict high school teacher I had, had back in Phoenix. I immediately disliked her. How dare she be so rude to Jake, he was only caring about my welfare & yet she had totally dismissed him.

"Please, Please." He was begging now, it made me feel even more upset. "I need to know. You've got to understand I need to know."

"Look Mr Black is it. I understand you're worried but you have to know that you're not the only one. The amount of people Miss Swan already has here in the hospital & I know I hear there's more to come. I know just as much as you, I'm not lying. You will have to find out when the rest of us do." She hesitated her voice now softened. "She's a fighter though that one. I believe you have nothing to fear."

Then was a short period of silence. I tried to imagine what Jacob, must be doing at that very moment, but my mind was blank. I still felt disappointed & shameful for feeling disappointed, hearing this conversation had made me even more confused.

"Look can I at least, go in to see her. Its been so long since I saw her face. Please you must understand that. Please. I feel like this is my fault." Jacob said, his voice was now even more deeper. I couldn't be sure but I swore I heard this cry a little.

"Oh well, yes I do understand & I feel for you I really do, but…" Her voice returned to the same school teacher harshness. "Dr Morton has specified that no visitors are allowed with his say so, as Miss Bella is in much need of rest. Any queries ask him."

My hatred for the nurse returned, she had acted all sympathetic towards Jacob, making it almost seem that she was giving in & that she would let him see me, but then she had denied him that & that was worse that just being stubborn from the start. I felt like calling out to Jacob, telling him I was awake & that I wanted him there, but part of me deep down stopped me & as I opened my mouth, no noise came out.

"But…Look…Please…What if…"

But he stopped there. Something had distracted him. The tone of his voice had abruptly changed, it almost scared me. He was now angry, no he was more than angry he seemed furious & enraged at something that I wasn't quite sure.

"Great, just great, perfect. I have to go. Thanks for nothing." he snarled.

What had happened out there? Jake had suddenly turned from the caring sensitive boy that I had always known to the angry monster that I had seen in the restaurant, within seconds. It truly confused me.

What's worse was that I was alone. Brooke had gone to fetch Jacob for me but that rude discourteous woman had stopped him. Who knew when I would next have human company. I had always been a loner but I wanted nothing more now than someone to talk to, someone to comfort me. I felt like a fragile little child again.

My dreams had even proved to have started to mix with my reality, I hardly knew the difference any more. I wondered that perhaps it wasn't just medical help I needed. Could I possibly be going insane as well, having hallucinations. I couldn't tell, I was so perplexed.

The worst of all was that the happiest feelings I had felt in a long time, were just part of a figment of my imagination, hearing Jacobs voice had confirmed that.

I heard a knock at the door. Brooke I presumed or maybe this Doctor Morton. It wouldn't be Jacob, I had heard him walk away & although at the time I had been thwarted by his presence & not that of another, I wanted so see him so badly now. I remembered I still had a lot if apologising to do.

The knocker, waited a few seconds then knocked again, this time harder & louder, as to make sure I heard it.

I should have replied, that was the polite thing to do but the last thing I wanted were the strangers, the doctors telling me all my ailments.

The knocker opened the door, obviously this time not waiting for a reply, that I was never going to give.

I looked at who had just entered the room. My mouth gaped, in surprise.

I was staring at a bronze haired angel.

**So what do we think about Chapter 10? Its not the best or most exciting chapter I know this, but it does the confirm "And It was All a dream" thought out of Bella's & I guess some of you readers head. Pretty please please if you can people drop by with a review or a pm, any type of criticism is good criticism to me it helps me a lot with my writing, also if anyone has any ideas for the story then I'm all ears or any new ones for that fact as well. I think I've caught the writing bug, I simply cannot stop. Anyway again I'll stop babbling (yes if anyone's noticed I do this a lot & I mean a lot). Next Chapter will be up pretty soon, hopefully be tomorrow If I'm not busy, fingers crossed. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb xXx**

**Play list so far**

**Ok so you may think this is a little random, but a friend does this on a few of her fics, to set the reader in the mood. And she recommended it so I thought I'd give it a try. Basically this is a list of songs that you can listen that relate to the fic. Now Normally my friend lists a couple of songs on each chapter but as I've already wrote the 1****st**** 9 chapters of this fic, I thought I'd just put all the songs that sort of inspire it so far & then for the following chapters put the songs on at the very last chapter if this proves successful. Remember there just a idea, you don't have to try them out it you don't want to. Anyway I'm babbling again, so here's the list.**

Everybody's Changing By Keane (Mainly Chapters 2 & 3)

Happy Ending By Mika (Chapter 1 - 7)

White Flag By Dido (Pretty much whole thing)

My Immortal By Evanescence (Again pretty much all of it)

You Found Me By The Fray (Chapter 8)

Here Without You By 3 Doors Down (Chapters 1-7)

With or Without you By U2 (Again pretty much whole thing)

How To Save A Life By The Fray (Chapters 4-7 also chapter 9 for a completely other reason)

Why does it always rain on me By Travis (Whole Fic)

Always By Bon Jovi (Whole Fic)

Broken By Lifehouse (Chapter 1)

You could be happy By Snow Patrol (Chapters 1-7 for Bella, Chapter 9 for Edward)

What If By Kate Winslet (Chapter 3)

These Are The Days Of Our Lives By Queen (Chapters 1-7)

Run By Snow Patrol (Chapter 8)

I don't want to miss a thing By Aero smith (Chapter 9)

Hurt By Christina Aguilera (Chapter 1)

Big Girls Don't Cry By Fergie (Chapters 5-7)

Wake Me Up When September Ends By Greenday (Chapters 1-7)

All Fall Down By One Republic (Chapter 1,2 5,6 & 7)

Thunder By Boys Like Girls (Whole Fic)

Crazy For You By Madonna (Chapter 8)

Beauty & The Beast By Mrs Potts no sorry joke Celine Dion (Chapter 8)

All By Myself By Celine Dion (Chapter 1)

I will always love you By Whitney Houston (Whole Fic)

Nothing Compares To You By Sinead Oconnor (Whole Fic)

All My Life BY KC & Jojo (Chapter 9)

Never Be Lonely By The Feeling (Chapter 1-7)

Everything I do, I do It for You By Brian Adams (Chapter 9)

You make it real By James Morrison (Chapter 10)

Better In Time By Leona Lewis (Chapter 7)

**Okay so that's it so far. There were tonnes of songs to choose from but I just stuck to these ones that I have. I tried to mix genres here so there's a bit rock, bit of pop, bit of indie, bit of alternative, bit of soul, a couple of oldies too. Other chapters were easier than others as you can imagine. Chapter 10 I really struggled with. This play list took me almost as long as the actual chapter to write so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think and any suggestions of what I could add to it. Enjoy! TTFN Lion .Lovin .Lamb xXx**


	11. Chapter 11 Dreaming

**Ok so chapter 11 is finally up. I'm so sorry it has taken so long. Its been 2 weeks now since I last updated. Basically my excuses are that the Friday before Valentines was my birthday (hurray I'm finally 15 that means I'm legally allowed to do well nothing apart from watch 15 films here in the uk - joy) & then the week after that my cousins were over for the entire week & it was considered antisocial to spend the time locked away in my room on fan fiction. And then when I finally tried to log on, on Monday, the login thing wasn't working & it looked like I would never get this published. But now everything's ok & I can. Hope you like it, a bit more of a sentimental chapter, you'll see why. Again I'd like to thank everyone for leaving a review, adding me as a favourite/alert, adding the story as a favourite/alert & for generally reading my story. I much appreciate it. Review would be excellent they really would, I love them I really do. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to .lamb it all belongs to Smeyer, except the smurfs who I actually don't know who they belong to. (You're probably thinking that's a little crazy but you'll see what I mean) **

I wanted to dance, sing, laugh & cry all at once. I could hear the heart monitor beeping at an unusually fast pace next to me. I tried to lunge myself, yet again from the hospital bed, yet again forgetting all the things that were stuck into. This time I didn't notice the pain as much, I was after all too distracted for that, but I did lean back in my bed, just to avoid anymore injuries.

He stood there by the door for several seconds. Doing exactly what I was doing at that very moment, taking in every aspect at the person before us. We didn't speak, we didn't have to. The moment just seemed perfect as it was. It reminded me of one of those old fashioned movies, the very thought of it made me feel warm inside.

He moved towards my bed slowly even for a human, especially for him. I watched him, he seemed so graceful, so beautiful, I heard & felt my heart flutter inside me. He never took his eyes off me either & for some reason, for this I felt a little shy, embarrassed. What a mess, I must have looked in front of him, the exquisite inhuman creature, but the way he looked at me, you would have thought I was the most beautiful person in the world. And what's more, though there was still so much to ask, my mouth stayed clamped shut & my eyes could not look away, it was almost as if I actually was intoxicated by his presence.

He sat himself on the side of my bed. Again for several moments we just sat there and stared at each other. The instant should have been awkward but it was exactly the opposite, I felt at peace with it & probably the happiest I had ever felt.

Eventually, he lifted his hand and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear before returning to my cheek & gently stroking it. His touch was ice cold, yet it felt right, it felt nice, in a way I didn't want it to stop. The heart monitor was now beeping faster & louder, I felt a little annoyance for my obviousness. He chuckled at it, the sound was gentle & harmonious. His eyes met back to mine.

"How are you feeling?" he said, his voice was exactly how I remembered it, it tickled my very insides.

There were a million things, that I wanted to say, wanted to ask, most of all, wanted to do, but I managed was…

"Good."

He chuckled again & smiled my favourite crooked smile of his. What an idiot I must have seemed. I mean that was all I could come up with. I blamed the fact, that I was still very much intoxicated by his presence.

I decided that I needed to redeem myself a little.

"Edward you're back but how…why…what…" It wasn't exactly the way I wanted to ask it, but he seemed to understand where I was coming from.

He took his hand away from my cheek & instead cupped it under my chin.

"Isn't it obvious I told you once that I couldn't stay away, that I wasn't strong enough. And the truth is I can't. I've tried for so long but I really can not."

He took his other hand & cupped it round my other cheek, there was barely inches between us.

"Where…where have…where have you been?" I stuttered, I was hardly breathing by his closeness.

"For the most part I was…" he paused he turned his face away from me & I was now facing the miniscule window. "I was tracking Victoria" I winced at the name. "But after she was eerr…dealt with. I have been moving around Europe for a while…alone."

It took me a moment to take it all in. It made me feel a little queasy in my stomach. Edward had taken on Victoria, the women I had learned had wanted to kill me. I felt relieved that as he had said he had 'dealt' with her, but my mind starting switching the scenario, seeing Edward ending in her situation. It sickened me, the world without Edward, was unbearable to think of. He had also said that he had been alone, did that mean he had not seen his family? Had he really been alone? The thought sickened me even more.

"But what about Carlisle, Esme, Alice, your family?" I noticed that I was barely whispering & that my words were deep, as I felt I was on the brink of tears.

"I haven't seen Carlisle or Esme or anyone else for nearly as long I last saw you. I visited at first every now & again, but it wasn't the same. It's been over 2 years now."

His words stung. All this time, Edward had been alone, he had, had no one to turn to. He hadn't had a home, a family, friends. I felt ashamed. I had considered my life terrible since he had left, but the truth was it must have been nothing compared to his.

My eyes were once again starting to swell with tears. I blinked furiously to stop them, but Edward brushed then away with his finger tips.

It was at that point that I noticed his eyes dark & raven black & he had shadows underneath them like that of a human who hadn't slept. I knew what this meant, he hadn't hunted. I felt another twinge of guilt.

"It's ok now Bella." He returned his hands to my chin. "I'm back Bella. And this time I'm not going anywhere. I told you I'm not strong enough, I'm truly not. I promise"

I was about to answer him. Tell him he couldn't keep a promise like that. He had said that before & yet he had left. Just as I opened my mouth, he spoke again.

"Alice is in the waiting room. Carlisle & the others will be here later. They've all been missing you Bella"

I pictured Edwards beautiful family in my head. I had missed them all. I really had. Though I had missed Edward most, I had always wished to see his family again also. I wondered how I would react to them, it would be different to the way I had with Edward, but I would undoubtedly be happy to see them. Even Rosalie, even though we had never got along or even directly spoke, I felt excited at the thought of seeing her again. I wondered though, how she would react to me. Then there was also Jasper, I needed to see him most out of the family, I wanted him to understand that I had forgiven him, for what had happened & that he should not have felt guilty for it. And then there was Alice, quirky little, eccentric Alice. She had been the best friend anyone could've asked for. She was stubborn & loved to force me into things that I didn't want to do, but well that was part of why I loved her so much. I felt a little guilty towards Rayen, that I considered a girl I hadn't seen in 3 years my best friend.

This all seemed too unreal to be true. Edward here, Alice in the waiting room, the rest of the Cullen's coming. Then the thought dawned on me, what if this wasn't true, what if as cliché as it sounded this was all just a dream.

I bowed my head in shame. If I was dreaming then I wanted never to wake up, this was all too perfect.

Edward noticed the hurtful look in my eye, he stared at me confused. I silently wished that this could be real.

"This…it's…this…I'm…" I was sobbing now, I couldn't control the tears that ran down my face. "I'm dreaming aren't. I'm dreaming. Oh god, I'm such a fool. I'm dreaming."

He wiped away the tears from my eyes once more & the ones that were now teaming now my face. He moved himself even closer to me, now I was barely centimetres apart from his perfect face.

"Bella this isn't a dream." I could feel the scent of his breath against my face. It all seemed so lifelike so real. "I'm not a dream. I may be a nightmare but I'm not a dream. You must believe that Bella."

"Yeah." I said managing to gather myself to together a little. "That's exactly what you would say in my dream."

He laughed a little at that, but his eyes still smouldered me. I felt idiotic the moment the words left my lips. What must I have sounded like? I was never as good with words as he was.

"Bella what must I do, to make you believe you're not dreaming?"

But I didn't even get time to answer, as by the time I opened my mouth, he had already granted my wish. He pressed his ice cold lips against mine & instantly I replied to him. It wasn't as passionate as the one we had shared in the alley way but that would have proved quite difficult whilst sitting in a hospital bed with needles stuck in my arms, but it was much less careful than the ones we had shared before it. I forgot about the concept of dreaming & thought only of him, of us. I didn't want it to stop, not as soon, as it did, but I found myself feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Edward gently pulled us apart. I was panting for my breath. If I was intoxicated by his presence before I was high now.

He was smirking slightly but his eyes still showed worried for me.

"Now do you believe that you're not dreaming?" He raised an eyebrow to me.

Still feeling dizzy from moments ago, it took me a while to gather round my words but he didn't seem annoyed by that, in fact he just sat patiently.

"So, Okay, I'm not dreaming." I took at least the time to make light of the conversation. "And I'm not dead, am I?"

"No Bella, you're most certainly not dead." He chortled to himself.

"Hallucinating?"

"No, at least I don't think so."

"So the 3 singing smurfs in the corner are real too?"

We both laughed. I felt like I'd never laughed so much in a long time & in truth maybe I hadn't. Just the thought of Edward here beside me, in person, the term I felt I could do back flips would be right, although that technically would be difficult at the moment, especially as it was me the girl who didn't even master a roly-poly until she was 10.

Nevertheless, my mind started to wander slightly & I noticed I still had one important question, that still hadn't been fully answered.

"But Edward I still don't understand. Why?"

"Why what?" He looked confused.

"Why did you come back?"

"I told you Isabella Swan." He started to brush his hands through my matted hair. "I can't stay away from you."

I shook my head, he wasn't going to get away with just that.

"But I don't understand. You said, that you didn't love me the same anymore. You said that you didn't want to pretend to be human. You said that you didn't want _me_ anymore. You said you would never returned, you promised you wouldn't but now…why?"

"Bella." He took my face in his hands once more. "It was all part of an act. I left Bella, to make it so you would be safe. So you could live a normal human life, a life you couldn't lead with me in your life. That night with Jasper, well it just put everything into perspective for me."

"But, but, you said…but…" I couldn't get my words out, I was thankful when he interrupted me.

"It was a lie Bella. Everything I said to you Bella that night was a lie. I'm a good liar Bella, you know that. I was surprised though at how you believed me so easily. All the times I had said I loved you, all those times we had spent together. I'm ashamed at the way I did it Bella, I really am, but It was the only way you could let me go. The only way I could let _you_ go. I was hoping you would hate me & move on with your life. Even though I knew, I never could."

"But, the distractions. You said your kind could get distracted easily." I managed to blurt out.

"Again another part of the lie." He said. "We do have distractions that's true but nothing could distract me from you. Would it sound to cliché to say that you were always on my mind."

I wanted to believe him, so badly, but I couldn't believe that he could love me, not in the way I loved him. I mean how could this god-like inhumanly gorgeous creature could ever love plain old Bella Swan. It didn't add up, it wasn't possible.

"But, you still have answered my question. Why _did _you come back? I mean you managed for this long."

"Again you overestimate me Bella. For me it has not been a very long time at all, not really. And yet it has been pure torture. And I haven't managed for this long, every September 13th for 3 years now, I have returned. As cowardly & pathetic as it may seem I wanted to see you actually enjoying your birthdays growing older but I decided this year would be my last, I had promised you & I intended to keep my promise. But then that morning, I heard your voice, it all came flushing back to me. I went to our meadow, I was believe it or not confused. And when I returned to bid you my last goodbye, I saw his…his thoughts…"

He clenched his eyes together, his eyebrows knitting together. He looked furious & yet at the same time on the brink of tears, even though I knew that was impossible. I held my hands out, I shook slightly at what his reaction might be, and pulled my arms round his neck.

He finally spoke again.

"I couldn't let him do that to you. I was to save you & then leave but then when I saw you, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't leave you Bella. I can't, like I said I'm simply not strong enough."

"Oh, Edward." Was all I could manage to say & I buried my head in his shoulder.

"But this time." Edward said calmly. "Things will be different. As strange as it is for me to say, this whole experience has changed me, has made me grow up you could say. All the time before I did things only for what I thought was best for you, not what you actually wanted. Now things will change, I promise. And this time I intend to keep my promise. I will leave, only if you want me to leave. If you feel that you want to become like…like…like me, then I will grant you that wish. If you want to carry on with the life you currently lead, then I respect that also that. I only want you to be happy Bella, that's all I've ever wanted."

It took me some time to get my head around everything he had said. It was different to everything he had every said before. He had even offered to change me, but only if I wanted it. And his every single word dripped with honesty. There was no way I couldn't believe him. I felt on top of the world, the aches in my body mattered no longer.

"Of course most of that can be discussed later. But I am curious to know, will you take me back?"

I really didn't know how to answer, I wanted to say something witty & romantic, but couldn't conjure anything to mind. So I just entangled my hands in his bronze coloured hair and pressed my lips firmly against his. He responded almost instantaneously, wrapping his arms around my waist. When the kiss finally ended, when I was in much need of air, I cursed my human lungs he spoke.

"I guess that's a yes then."

**Ok then so that's chapter 11, hope you liked it. If you can could you pretty please leave a review.**

**Chapter 12 should be on in the next couple of days or so. I'm stuck between a couple of ideas, they all depend on what mood I'm in with Jacob. I might have to explain that I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Jacob, where as compared to Edward which is always love. So who knows?**

**Ok so I'll so babbling now, you must be sick that I do this. If you can please leave a review or drop me a pm. Thanks. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb xXx**


	12. Chapter 12 Renees Revelation

**I am so sorry. I haven't updated in 3 weeks. I know I awful & mean & terrible aren't I. No honestly I've just been mega busy. This chapter was originally gonna be my big Jacob chapter, but I've added more to the story line & a lot happens in between, so that'll be in a few chapters time. A little bit different to the rest, I must admit, you'll see why. Anyway thanks for reading, so far, hope you like this next chapter. If you can a review would be lovely thanks folks. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer - I'm a penniless teenage girl who adores twilight - I own nothing. Its all down to the fabulous Stephanie Meyer.**

Edward sat with me a little while. We talked about all sorts of things & places. We did after all have a lot of making up to do. Edwards story, I must admit was much more interesting than mine. Although he seemed generally fascinated when I told him all about college, Charlie, Renee & even Jacob. What he'd been up to, was the sort of stuff I had only dreamed about, experiencing the midnight sun & the northern lights in Norway, swimming in the great barrier reef, walking the great wall of China, climbing mount Everest, diving off Victoria falls. The very substance of fantasies. And yet Edward spoke of it, as if it was merely everyday activities to pass the time. In fact he sounded almost ashamed.

Every now & then he kept asking me the same question - "Are you sure this, is what you want?" It didn't matter what he was talking about, he somehow always got it into context. He was still feeling guilty & I didn't know how to make him see. I had forgiven him. In fact I don't even believe, I was ever mad at him. He had left for a reason, but he had returned, that's all that matters now. And my answered wouldn't change, it couldn't change, I needed him too much. This was exactly what I wanted - end of story.

After what I reckoned could only have been an hour or so, Brooke, my enthusiastic Texan nurse entered the room, practically skipping, holding yet another bouquet of flowers.

"Hello there, ya'll two love birds." she cooed. I blushed, but couldn't help but feel happy. "I've got some more flowers for ya Bella. I believe they're from a Miss Angela Weber & a Mister Ben Cheney."

Wow, Angela & Ben, the past was slowly creeping up on me. Brooke gave us another sincere smile & starting singing 'Love Is The Air' whilst arranging the flowers on the cram-packed table. I was really starting to like this nurse.

Edward squeezed my hand only gently & we both shared a warm smile. Part of me wanted to stay, in this hospital bed with Edward by my side, forever, no distractions or worries from the real world.

"Now," she said after she had finished. "I can't keep that Daddy & Mama of yours, at bay much longer. Plus there's all those friends of yours, that just can't wait to see ya. And for safety reasons honey, we're gonna need to shift somma them outa the waiting room. Just say the word & I'll get whoever you want."

To be frankly honest, I had the person, I most wanted, right beside me. I didn't feel the need to have anyone else. But I know that was just being incredibly selfish of me. All these people had come here to see me,_ me_. Plus I had a lot of explaining to do. Rayen, I definitely needed to apologise to her. Charlie, if anything, I definitely owed him an explanation. And then there was Jake. What the hell was I gonna do about Jake?

"Yeah…um…sure. I think I should see my Mom & Dad."

She gave a bit of an over exaggerated nod, wiggled her fingers & bounced out the room.

Edward tenderly let go of my hand & stood up leaving me on the bed. I jumped up, pulling on the cords in my arms. I didn't want him to leave.

"I'll just be gone a while love." He whispered in his mesmerising voice. "Charlie's not exactly my biggest fan at the moment & besides you need to talk to your parents."

He bent over & gave me a quick peck on the lips before walking swiftly to the door, then turned to face me again.

"I'll be just down the corridor. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

He smiled that favourite crooked smile of mine. I returned my less beautiful grin back. And he was gone.

I was on my own for barely half a minute, when Brooke returned, Charlie, Mom & Phil following her.

"Bella. Oh Bella. Look at you." My Mom was practically in tears, she rushed over to my bed, grabbing me & holding me tightly against her chest.

Phil stood awkwardly by the door, observing the room around him. Charlie, a little bit further into the room, reading the cards on my table. My Mom, still kept tight hold of me. Nobody spoke a word. And this silence was awkward, mightily awkward, not like the sort of silence me & Edward had shared.

Several seconds passed. Still no one spoke. It looked like it would have to be me, to break this awkward silence. Great. So I just on the first thing, that came to mind.

"Mom, you've had your haircut?"

She laughed, at my random comment & Charlie & Phil joined in with her. She jumped into this big discussion on how there was this new hairdressing salon, down the road to her. I was only slightly interested but at least the silence was broken.

*************************************************************************************************************************

Luckily Mom did most of the talking. She went on, about Jacksonville, Phil's job, her new obsession -of all things - Fencing, the norm really. She asked me questions on school, friends, my birthday etc etc. Charlie every now & then interrupted, with a comment or so. I was glad, no one had even mentioned the accident, but also quite strangely nobody had even mentioned Edward. Of course that didn't last for much longer.

Just as Mom had finally finished giving me a rendition of some kind of weird tai-chi position, the conversation started, much to my dismay.

"Bella," She began. "We've all been so worried about you. First the accident & then I hear you & Jake had a fight & now I'm being told they didn't see you for hours. What were you doing Bella? Where had you been?"

See the look of fear in my Mothers eyes, it would be hard to lie to her. I looked over at Phil & Charlie who had during this moment inched themselves that bit closer to my bedside. Their faces, just as sullen & curious. I gulped. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Well, um you know me Mom." I paused everyone was looking intently at me, scrutinizing my every word. "Me & Jake, you know what we get like sometimes. We just had a bit of a row. So I just…err… um…went for a walk. You know, clear my head a bit. And well…I guess I just lost track of time. And…I suppose I just got a little tired after a while & I didn't see the car coming."

It was obvious that I was lying through my teeth. Although then again, maybe it wasn't, after all I wasn't exactly lying, just editing a little. Surprisingly enough, their faces showed that they believed every ounce of it. I must have been getting better at this lying situation.

"Oh what are you like." she said gripping me tight.

I actually thought I'd got lucky & that was the end of our little tête-à-tête. But no as it turned out I usually came very low on the luck spectrum. Mom after a little while, seemed to remember something, unfortunately.

"And Bella, you'll never guess what." Her face was as bright as a beam. Charlie's on the other hand, Charlie's was a different picture altogether. "Edward & Alice Cullen, were in town & heard about your accident. They haven't left this hospital once & they send new flowers every 3 hours. Must have cost a fortune. Poor Edward's been distraught. Considering he hasn't seen you in so long, he does seem to care an awful lot about…"

Charlie grunted in the background. Mom's face changed suddenly & she appeared much more solemn. It didn't suit her.

"Of course I understand honey, if you don't want to see hi…them. That was a very hard time for you."

"Huh." Charlie muttered to himself. "You got that right."

It was apparent, that my parents & probably no one else in the hospital, knew about mine & Edward's earlier rendezvous. Brooke was officially the best nurse, I'd ever had. Nevertheless I decided, that I'd lied enough to them.

"Actually Mom." I began. "I've actually already seen Edward." I looked to check everyone's face. Mom looked almost overjoyed. Phil still looked uncomfortable, for just being there. And well Charlie, he could barely look at me with anger. "We had a talk. We've decided to um…maybe…give things another go."

I heard a bang on the floor. I'm not sure, but I think it was Charlie's foot. He had turned a rather unhealthy beetroot colour. Clearly he was going to take more to convince than my Mom.

"Oh that's great babe's." You couldn't deny the happiness in her face. She was wearing a grin, that looked like a child with their favourite toy. "As long as your happy, I'm happy."

She then turned to Phil & nodded at him. He came further into the room & put his arm round my Mom's shoulder. They both stood there grinning, looking like a couple of naughty teenagers.

"Actually Bells. We have a little news of our own…"She started.

"Little, being the prime word." Phil finished.

His arm, move from her shoulder to her waist & put his hand round on her stomach.

I hadn't seen this one coming.

"Your…Your…Your" I could barely splutter the words out.

They both nodded. I looked over at Charlie. He was fiddling with the zip on his Jacket, avoiding anyone's eye contact. I suddenly thought, what this must be doing to him. He had never got over my Mom, I knew that. I wished then, that he had found someone like my Mom, had found Phil.

"We just found out last week. Had a scan on Thursday. A healthy baby girl of 4 & a half months give or take."

I felt pleased for my Mom & Phil, I really did, but I just couldn't ignore Charlie's face. Suddenly I thought that maybe Edward was the least of his worries at the moment.

"Wow, holy crow." I said, smiling intently back at Mom & Phil, though Charlie's worry filled eyes, I couldn't escape from. "That was kind of unexpected. I'm so happy for you."

"We're so sorry, we didn't tell you sooner Bella. We wanted to tell you in person & what with, all this & all. You can come visit as much, as you want. Maybe you can help us pick out some baby names. Phil over here wants her middle name to be Philippa, but I put my foot down firmly there."

She & Phil, both laughed. I suppressed a mere chuckle. Charlie let out a sort of cough. I still couldn't forget his face, when Mom & Phil had told me the news. I had never seen him in so much emotional pain & depression.

"Anyway Bells." Mom said. "We're gonna let you get some rest now. Last thing you need is us going on about baby plans. We'll come see you later. We all love you so much."

And her & Phil both, left the room, hand in hand. Charlie still stood by the window.

"So you've decided to get back together?" He muttered, still looking out the small window.

"Well, you know it's early days & all. But yeah, it looks like it yeah."

"And what about Jake?"

A twang of guilt, came over me. I still had to talk to Jacob.

"Well, me & Jake aren't exactly together Dad. He's just a friend. I love him, you know I do, but it just isn't the same way as Edward."

"That's not what I mean." He sighed. "How do you think he'll take it?"

"I don't know. I'll talk to him. But he'll just have to except it. It's what I want."

Charlie walked away from the window & sat himself on the very end of my bed. He put his hand where my leg was.

"I suppose nothings going to change your mind."

"I'm sorry Dad. But no I've made my decision. And you know how stubborn I can be."

He laughed, he seemed to be remembering something, by the look in his eyes.

"Yeah, you've been that way since you were a baby."

I took in his every emotion. The hatred in his voice, on the topic of Edward, had completely changed & now he a returned to the depressed Charlie, I had seen when Mom & Phil had been in the room.

I lean as far as I could, up in my bed & placed my hand on top of Charlie's. This would probably have been the most emotion-filled conversation we had ever had. Neither of us were usually very good at this sort of thing.

"How do you feel about the little news?" I asked, trying my best to keep his complete eye contact.

He turned his head away, so I couldn't exactly see his expression properly.

"Fine, yeah Bells, I'm fine. Bit of a shock of course, but I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good."

Charlie was probably one the few people who was a worse liar than me.

"Anyway." he said getting up from off the bed. "I better be going. You look tired & no doubt your Mom & Phil will want a lift back to their hotel. I'll speak to you tomorrow Bells."

He walked to the door & then seemed to remember he'd forgotten to say something.

"I don't trust him Bells."

"I know. I love you Dad." I replied.

He gave me an attempt of a smile & walked out the room, into the hallway.

It took me awhile to contemplate, everything that had just happened. It didn't seem possible but somehow this day, had just got even weirder.

**Well different! Yes I know. Even I didn't see that one coming. That had nothing to do with my original storyline. It was just a brainwave that came over me, whilst I was typing. I hope you liked it anyway. And if you feel that you want to, drop by & leave a small review. Next chapter up asap. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb xXx**

**Ps - If anyone's interested I've created a live journal, for purely my fan fiction account. It'll keep you up to date with new chapters & what not. And ideas for a few new stories. Plus a couple of spoilers of what's to come. If you wanna check it out, I've put the link on the very top of my profile page. **


	13. Chapter 13 Bliss

**Ok, then finally Chapter 13. A very long chapter I must warn. One of my favourites though. Again sorry for the wait. Thanks to everyone's who's read & reviewed so far. And a big special thank you to those of you who've added me or this fic as a favourite or alert. A humngo thanks goes to those of you who've review every chapter. You know who you are. Thanks they're much appreciated. 90 Reviews, so far people, only 10 more, until we get to triple digits, lets see if we can get there. Hope you enjoy. R & R if you can. x **

**Disclaimer: Like I've said countless times before. I don't own Twilight, seriously if I did I would be bragging about it right now. That belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I especially don't own The Beatles (you'll see what I mean), they belong to, well I'm not entirely sure who they belong to, but most certainly not me. **

I heard Charlie's footsteps, swiftly going down the hallway. Then within seconds Edward was back in the doorway. He was smiling that crooked smile of his again, which made me go weak at the knees. That's a look, I'd never grow tired of.

"Hello there." I said, returning the favour with a wide grin.

"Hey." He replied. Then he raised his eyebrows at something & shook his head laughing. "Sorry love, but I just couldn't keep her at bay."

And with that, a pixie-like vampire, with jet black spiky hair by the name of Alice Cullen, came skipping into my room & within moments was right next to me, arms wrapped round my neck.

"Bella." she said, her voice as beautiful & harmonious as ever. "You haven't changed a bit. You could still easily pull off seventeen."

She let go of my neck, but placed her hands tightly on my shoulders. Her smile, was so wide & bright, that it almost blinded me. It just occurred to me the, that it wasn't only Edward, who I couldn't live without. The thought of never seeing this bouncy, bubbly, fun-loving vampire, again, almost reduced me to tears. Words could not explain, how much I had missed her too. Rayen had been a friend, a good friend as well, but Alice, she was so much more to me than that, she was a best friend, the best of friends. No, in fact she was more like a sister.

"Oh Alice. Its been so long. I've missed you so much. And you haven't changed either."

She & Edward, both laughed at that & I found myself joining in. Only the sound of my boring human laugh, sounded almost jarring comparing to their musical tone.

"So, how do you feel about the news? I told Edward, not to tell you, so your Mother could. Keep it human, you know."

I slipped a suspicious look, at Edward, who was now, sitting on the opposite side of the bed, to Alice. He known. Of course he had known.

"Well…I…um." I sighed. Edward & Alice both looked at me sympathetically, which made my cheeks flush scarlet with embarrassment. "Yeah, Yeah. It's great."

"Don't worry about Charlie he'll come round. I'm certain of it." She tapped the temple of her forehead, to show me, what she meant. "It'll be a girl - but of course you already know that. She'll come 3 weeks early on January 1st. New Years Day isn't that exciting. She'll weigh around 7lb 5 ounces. No decision on the name so far. I think they want your help with that."

She smiled at me warmly. At least I could trust Alice, when she said that Charlie would be fine. It made me feel less guilty about feeling happy for Mom, Phil & the baby. Less, that is. I still didn't know how long Charlie would be in this minor depression for. I was going to press more on the subject, but then Alice, reached into her pocket for something, which stopped me in my tracks.

It was a clipping from a newspaper, barely the size of a passport picture, from the early 1920s, it was blurry & the paper of crumpled & fading but you could just make out a young girl, with jagged black hair, her face still & emotionless. Although from I could make out, this girl had a sickly distinguished look about her, her chin pointy & sharp, her face pale & thin, her cheek bones easily visible. I straight away recognized her as Alice.

"My name was Mary Alice Brandon." She began. "From, what I've out, I was born around 1901 in Biloxi, Mississippi. I was sent to an asylum, because of my err…premonitions, when I was a teenager. That was why I couldn't remember. I was you see, always in the dark. I was made to forget. I visited my grave, but that didn't give me much of a clue. My death date is exactly the same date as the admission to the asylum. From, what I can gather I was around about 19."

She gave me a crooked smile. It was usual bubbly Alice grin, but it wasn't angry either. It was as if she was disappointed.

"There was much else after that." She continued. "There was much about my family, in any of the records or papers. Weddings, deaths, that was about it. I did find out though, that I had a sister. They called her Cynthia. She died quite some time ago, but she has a daughter still alive & she lives in Biloxi too."

I didn't exactly know what to say. Should I have congratulated her? I mean she knew her history now, but I had the feeling she wasn't exactly happy about it.

"Oh, well, I'm glad Alice. At least you know now." I replied.

I must have said, something right, as Alice's arms, were tightly gripped around my neck again. The feeling, was cold & uncomfortable, due to me being half strapped to the bed, but I liked it. It wasn't the same feeling I have with Edward, it was when like one sister, was comforting another. A bond thicker & unbreakable, than that of mere friendship.

"Oh Bella." She whispered in my ear, although I was pretty certain, that Edward, could hear. "I've missed having my clumsy human sister around. Life's been almost boring."

"Huh yeah." I laughed. "No one to force against their own will, to play dress up. Must have been hell."

Alice pulled a face, but then chuckled at herself. Edwards laughter was practically booming. I had almost, almost that is, forgotten he was there.

"From what I've heard she tried to play Makeover Barbie with Rosalie." He said, trying to control the laughter from out of his voice. "As you can imagine, that didn't go so well."

I imagined Rosalie, standing there whilst Alice showered her with clothes & accessories. Yeah I could imagine that didn't go so well. In fact, I pondered how Alice, was still even alive.

"Of course. There's plenty of time, for that." She stared on a tangent. "We'll have your wardrobe up to scratch before you can say Dolce & Gabbana. And lord, knows you need it. I mean come on Bella, you've had that same khaki skirt, since you were a junior. I mean it's practically an antique. I've started too, already, only bits & pieces, naturally. Port Angeles, isn't exactly what you'd call chic, in the world of fashion. But I did get this gorgeous black, halter neck the other day & it just screamed Bella to me…"

I didn't listen much after that. I looked over at Edward, who was rolling his eyes at her, but he smiled gently at me. I'd almost forgotten, how much Alice had got excited about her fashion. I cursed myself for bringing up the subject. God knows, what she had bought, for me. They would be no doubt, be overly girly, overly flesh baring, overly designer & not to mention overly expensive.

She was just discussing, something about half price Ugg boots - whatever they were meant to be exactly - when Edward saved me from pushing to the point of insanity.

"Look Alice, Bella hated it before, I'm certain she's gonna hate it now." He winked at me. It took me moments to regain my normal oxygen levels. "Besides she looks beautiful as she is."

My cheeks turned that familiar shade of crimson & I looked away from his eyes, to unsuccessfully hide my embarrassed smile.

"How do you know? You can't read her mind." She stuck out her cherry red tongue.

He rolled his eyes, but I saw his eyebrows knit together slightly with anger. It had always bugged him, that he couldn't read my mind. I guess something's couldn't change.

"Alice, anyone sane, would find it torture to be locked in a room with you for hours, with a pile full of the seasons prada, a box of unopened urban decay products & this months vogue."

I suddenly had flashbacks, of the day of my junior prom. Being primped by Alice, was probably one of my least favourite activities. It was definitely up there somewhere with shopping, dancing & gym.

"Well, the girls hardly sane. She's in love with a vampire after all."

She had a point I had to admit, but who ever said sanity was the most important of things. Wasn't it the Beatles, who proclaimed that 'All you need is love'. And who could deny, John, Paul, George & Ringo. They were after all bigger than Jesus.

"Fair enough." Edward laughed. "What's crazier, is that she took me back."

Alice smiled widely & looked back & forth at me & Edward.

"Yeah." She finally said. "That really makes me doubt her sanity. Don't know how we didn't realise this before."

"Ok, Ok." I said. Nudging both of them, quite forcefully, both I doubt they felt a thing. It in fact hurt me, more, much more. "Enough laughing, at the sanity of the human. It may not be entirely intact, but there's enough there, to know what I want."

"And what's that exactly?" Edward asked, I couldn't quite fathom the expression, on his face.

"Well…its…err." I struggled for words. He was right, what did I actually want.

All those years ago, it would have been, for Edward to change me, to be one of them, but something inside me, wanted something else as well, something I couldn't quite comprehend.

"I want." I Finally said. I gulped. Things were about to get embarrassing. "More than anything in the world, to be with you forever, Edward. That's all I've ever wanted."

He let out a deep hesitation & closed his eyes, for a brief moment. This had always been a touchy subject, I guess things hadn't changed. But to my surprise, when he finally spoke, he wasn't angry nor upset.

"I guess you'd rather this option." He pointed to himself & Alice. "Than any other."

I knew what he was implying to. He meant I would prefer to live _soulless_ as he would put it, than to die together. But even after all these years, I was still stubborn, on that matter at least.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'd like you to change me. You Edward, not Carlisle or anyone else. You." I looked into his eyes. Again there was that unfathomable expression that he'd now developed. I thought I'd better make light of the subject. "And sooner rather than later. I mean I'm getting _old_. Look I'm developing wrinkles already."

Edward gave a small smile, but seemed to be concentrating, on something far off in the distance. Something had changed him, I don't know what. I knew he didn't agree with any of this & you could easily read it off his face & yet he didn't argue a single word. I wondered what he was thinking.

I was distracted by Alice though.

"Your right & the hairs greying too. Look I think I see crows feet." She pointed to the side of my eyes. But then scoffed at herself. "Come on, hardly Bella. I'm surprised you even get served at bars. (Obviously she'd seen my little encounter at Sam's) You even have the same hair style you did at 17."

I looked down, at my hair, so I did. I hadn't given it much thought. I'd always had that hair style. It hadn't really occurred to me, I hadn't changed so much since I was 17. I guess a few years hadn't hurt me. And a few more, probably wouldn't bother me either.

Edward seemed to have come out of his trance, as he had now taken hold of my hand, his hold cold & smooth as marble, stroking it with the tip of his thumb.

"I'll agree to that." My eyes flicked to his in disbelief. It had been that easy. I didn't believe it. "If…" Of course, there was a catch. There was always a catch. "If you marry me first."

I stared at him, in shock. It wasn't what I had expected, not in the slightest. Marriage. Marriage. Marriage! Marriage of all things. It didn't scare me, as much as I thought it would though. I knew what teenage me, would have done. I would have scoffed at it. Marriage so young, was stupid, foolish. But my mind flickered back to that daydream. The one I had, had during Dr Claytons lecture. The one with the Cullen's house, immensely decorated. The one with Charlie, holding tight to my arm. The one with me dressed in a gorgeous white dress. The one with our wedding. Mine & Edwards wedding.

I must kept on daydreaming, as Edward & Alice, were both looking at me, eyes wide with curiosity.

"Well." Alice said, picking herself up from off the bed & walking towards the door. "I'll leave you two, in private for a moment."

And with that, she was gone, in a blink, out of the door. I was glad we had, some privacy but the thought of what I was now, going to answer, made me feel sick.

Edward was still staring intently into my eyes, waiting for me to answer.

"Ok." I answered eventually. "I'll marry you first."

I'd never seen someone, smile so wide & genuinely. He looked like a toddler at Christmas & I couldn't hide my own happiness either, but then another thought struck my mind. I was 21 years old & there was still one thing I hadn't done, the only thing that I wanted no needed to do, before I changed.

"But…"He raised his eyebrows in confusion, he hadn't expected anymore to the conversation. "I want a honeymoon."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Of course we'll have a honeymoon. You just say where & it'll be sorted."

For an inhumanly intelligent 109 year old vampire, Edward could sure be dumb. He obviously didn't quite fully comprehend my last statement.

I sighed, how was I going to explain it to him, without infuriating him. It would be tough, but I'd give it a go.

"No Edward." I looked into his eyes, still black, from where he hadn't hunted. They looked calm & genuine, the thought of ruining his happiness, made me want to hurl. "I mean a honeymoon. A _human_ type of honeymoon."

He let go of my hand & I saw his hands curl tightly into his fists, the bone easily visible, where his grip so tight.

"Bella…You know…I can't…We…" I'd never seen him struggle for his words so much. He seemed somewhere in between guilt, sorrow, anger & pain. But then I saw, something change in his eyes, as if he had just remembered something. "Bella, of I…I mean if we, did this, I don't know how…I could hurt you. I _could_ kill you."

There was no words to put together to explain, the amount of guilt that was now welling up inside of me, but part of me wouldn't let go so easily.

"It just…" I began. "I trust you Edward…You could never…You would never." I swallowed, the water now wallowing in my mouth, with the words. I could barely look at him. "I may not ever be like _this_ again. Who knows how long it will take, until I'm a fraction, of normal again. You've said it yourself, new borns are only interested in 1 thing & that's blood. Please, Edward, there's nothing I want more. I trust you."

I waited for his reaction. He sat, hand covering his mouth, his head tilted so I could barely see his face. He was thinking this through anyway, that was a bonus at the very least.

"Bella, you really shouldn't trust me." He said, after a while. "Especially after all this. I don't know how you've forgiven me, let alone trust me. But…" He paused & hesitated, I could see the flicker of annoyance in his expression. "I promised, myself that I would do whatever you wanted. And I've broken enough promises to you Bella, so I owe you at least this one. I will…We will…try. I haven't a clue, of the circumstance. And of course we'll…I'll have to be careful, very very careful. But If it's what you want love, I will most certainly try."

From, what I could see of what of his face, he wasn't too sure, of the idea, but then I saw the hint of a smile, flicker to his lips.

"At any rate, its one less sin, I won't have committed."

I gave him a confused look. I had no idea what he meant. He looked up to see my expression & shook his head.

"Well I'm no saint, am I. I've lied a countless amount of times. And murders, usually considered a sin also. And gods, all the other ones, I commit, on a day to day basis. My mere existence is probably one." I giggled at that. Sin hardly, more like asset. "But at least I'll wait until marriage, to take my virtue. That's got to be brownie points in some case."

Of course, I hadn't realised. Edward was born in to a much more civilised & proper time. He didn't even call it, his virginity, he called it his virtue, a much more old fashioned & proper word. The sort of word I'd imagine, to be used much more frequently in a turn of the century novel, nevertheless in the modern 21st century. Sex before marriage, was much of a taboo, then. It did of course happen, only it was looked down upon. It made me internally chuckle, to think, what they would make of a one night stand.

"Well, you'll definitely get brownie points from me." I leaned over to peck his lips. He was so much more understanding, towards this subject, than I had predicted. "Unless, of course, you'd rather, get that side of the bargain over sooner."

I regretted saying, that as soon, as it had left my lips. I was pushing it enough as it was. Never mind asking for it, sooner as well.

He let out a frustrated groan. I had obviously stepped too far off the line.

"Bella. I've agreed to change you _and _to make love to you, but please, I really need time. And I would like to do this the proper way. I want to marry you first, can you understand that?"

He words nor his tone, were particularly harsh, but they said enough on the matter. He was going to do all this for me I had at least needed to give him something in return.

"Yeah. I can. Ok I can promise that."

He smiled, yet again, that priceless crooked smile of his, that made me turn to practical jelly. It was unfair, how insignificant, his presence, could literally make me feel, when he was around. He was like a powerful Greek god, where I felt like a tiny insect on the ground.

Then another thought, struck me. I had been too obsessed sounding like a hormonal teenager, I hadn't even questioned how Edward, would feel about this.

"But I mean." I said. "When we do. Will you…Will it be like the same? Will it be as…um…pleasurable for you, as it is for me. I mean well, I'm human & well you're…"

He put his finger to my lips, to stop me from talking.

"Silly Bella." He reached his hand over to my face & started stroking it. "Ok, so I may not be human & completely controlled by my overactive hormones." His eyes flickered to me & he gave a quick flash of a teethy grin. "But I _am_ a man. And I love you. So of course it will be pleasurable. More than just pleasurable, I believe. I just…"

But this was now my turn, to stop him from talking. I pressed my finger, to his lips, the copycat way, he had done with mine, only without his beautiful vampire finesse.

"Worry. But I love you Edward & you _somehow_ love me. And that's all that matters. I believe, I truly do, we have nothing to worry about."

He nodded slowly. Then let his hand off my face. I pulled a face, like a spoilt 5 year old. Although the warmth, was now returning to my cheek, I didn't like it, it didn't feel somehow natural.

"There's something actually I want to do. I've said I want to do this properly & I'm going to do just that."

I wondered for a second, what he was saying but then he was standing, by the side of my bed & fumbling into his jacket pocket for something.

He produced, a tiny velvet box & opened it slightly towards him so only he could see it. Then hesitated slightly.

I was stunned into one position I didn't know what to do or say.

Then he slowly crept down on to his right knee.

I could hear myself hyperventilating. I wanted to act cool & suave, like the girls, in those old fashioned, movies, but I couldn't help myself from squirming in the bed covers, with excitement. It was a miracle, how I even stayed conscious.

He turned the box towards me to show me, the most gorgeous ring, I had ever seen. It was old fashioned, the kind that would have gone for thousands in one of those antique programs, it was easily as old as Edward, more than likely older. It had a beautiful oval face & an array of tiny sparkly diamonds. It was almost as gleaming, as Edward in the sun.

He looked up at me from his knee, unnecessarily taking a deep breath & then eventually spoke.

"Isabella Marie Swan." He spoke in his beautiful harmonious tone. "I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?" (**A/N: Recognize this from anywhere. I'm sorry but I didn't have the heart in me, to change the original.**)

I wanted to say something beautiful & sexy, like he had, but I was still taking in, his magnificent words.

All I could quite comprehend to say, from my intoxication was a single word.

"Yes."

And within a flash, that my human eyes could barely adjust too. Edward was at my side, once again. He took the ring, gently from its case & pulled it gently onto the ring finger of my left hand.

"Perfect fit." He gleamed at me. I stared at it, still unbelieving to this was actually mine. "Of course it's a little old fashioned, we could get something more modern. Tiffany's maybe or…"

I interrupted him though.

"It's perfect."

I placed my arms around his neck & kissed him softy. He didn't oblige to kiss me back, to my surprise. After a moment, when I found, that I was lacking of much oxygen, Edward eventually pulled back .

"Before your twenty-second birthday, I think sounds fair. 21 forever doesn't sound too old does it." I was still intoxicated by this moment, that I could barely pull together a sentence, so I merely nodded. "I don't mind how. In Vegas, with Elvis, is fine with me, as long as its what you want."

I didn't get to answer that though., as right that seconds, there was a blur of black & white, running into my room & by the time I'd blinked Alice was at my bedside yet again.

"You are _not,_" She snarled at Edward. "Getting married in _Vegas_ with a god damn Elvis wannabe. Not on my watch. This is gonna be big, its gonna be special. You do after all only have this moment once. Well unless your Emmett & Rosalie, but that's besides the point. You want something as beautiful, as you can imagine. You want…"

"That's exactly why we're having you as our wedding planner Alice." I replied.

Her grin was all teeth. You would have thought, we'd have given her all the money or more Alice like, Armani handbags in the world.

" Oh I knew you would, just want to hear it be confirmed in person. Now you haven't given me much time. Before your 22nd you say. I'll have to get started straight away."

And with that, she was gone within a flash again, out of the room.

"There's ways of getting out of that you know." Edward said after a while.

"No, no. Let her do it. She right, it has to be special. And I think Alice will make it just that.

"Well if you say so." But he was grinning also. We were both on a cloud of ecstasy.

I involuntary yawned, tiredness was creeping up on me.

"Sleep now love. Today has all been too much for you."

And with that he began to hum that oh so familiar lullaby.

There was so many things I had to sort out, still. I would have to solve the mystery of Charlie's sudden depression. I would have to see the rest of the Cullen's for the first time, in 3 years, especially Jasper I didn't know how he would react to me. I would have to help out with Mom & Phil, with baby names. I would somehow have to thank my nurse Brooke, for her involvement, in letting Edward visiting me. I would have to apologise & explain this all to Rayen. And then there was the difficulty with Jacob. The person I loved, so much, too much even, but he wasn't Edward. And he deserved more than anything else an apology. I also wondered how he would take with the proposal. My guess, would be not so well.

But with the sound of Edward, gently whispering my lullaby into my ear. My woes all seemed to fade away & within moments I had been captured by sleep.

And I dreamt. It was a strange, unusual dream. Which I couldn't quite figure out. I was holding, in to baby. A beautiful baby. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. It Didn't seem possibly for anything to be more beautiful than Edward. At first I thought it to be Mom & Phil's baby, but with it's unusual pale skin, glowing in the sun light & the inhuman exquisiteness of it's features. I knew that, it was something not quite human.

And somehow, in my dream, as I was holding, the beautiful, yet strange baby. I felt that an emptiness, that I hadn't even realised had been there, had been filled. I was happy too happy even. I was in sheer bliss. I felt for the first time in my life as if I was whole. And that I couldn't want anything more.

**So what did everyone think. A little fluffy at times, I must admit, but some part of me can't help but love those parts. This chapter was a pleasure to write, made me feel, all good inside, you know. Please please people if you can review. They're so much appreciated. And I'm trying my best to get to 100, asap. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb x**


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